The Haunting (based on REAL EVENTS)

Prologue

ryan ross stared into flames. all he could see was flames. flames and eyeliner. "am- am I in hell?" he coughed out.
"that is correct, my child," a familiar voice spoke. ryan brought his forearm up to cover his eyes from the light as a figure emerged from the flames.

"PETE?" ryan exclaimed, "IS THAT YOU?"
"why yes it is." pete replied. "I have a lot to tell you."
Ryan looked around. "where the fuck am I?"
"oh I'm sorry," pete said, "I should have told you earlier. you're in hell. also, I'm satan now." ryan gave pete a blank look.
"no! it's for real! let me explain." pete began. "a number of years ago, the beings of hell decided I was worthy to rule their people. i was just that emo," he said with a chuckle. "anyway, I was basically invited up here to be the new satan."

Ryan still wasn't convinced. "oh yeah? what happened to the 'old' satan?" he asked blankly.
"oh, it was decided I would be a better leader, and he was sent into the pit of eternal cheez whiz." pete said casually. "but yeah, I'm satan now. but you can just refer to me as the Emo Lord, but considering you're a good friend of mine I'll let you call me Daddy Wentz."

"okay, daddy wentz. why the fuck am I here? and how come I talked to you just last week about eyeliner?" Ryan queried.
"oh, a cheap carbon clone of me was made by the illuminati to lower everyone's suspicions. but man, my clone's booty is no where near as prominent as mine! check out these indentations," pete said, sounding all too happily, as he showed Ryan his 'indentations'.
"uhh, nice. but pete-"
"daddy wentz," pete corrected.
"daddy wentz- why am I here?" Ryan stressed.
"oh, I need you to become a demon. join my army. i have discovered a great horror in this universe. do I dare speak its name? of course I do, I'm daddy wentz. anyway, it's called," pete inhaled, "almond milk."

Ryan gasped and stumbled backwards. ALMOND MILK?! RYAN COULDN'T NAME ANYTHING WORSE! "now, Ryan. I thought you would be perfect for this task. I have been watching you. well, you and Brendon. you love milk in your anus hole, right?"
Ryan gulped. how did pete know?! "y-yes I do," he said. there was no lying to Satan.
"and you know that almond milk is a disgrace to all milky asses. it is so thin, it doesn't flow through the crevices of your butthole like smooth, creamy, tittymilk. am I correct, Ryan?" pete said.
Ryan was speechless. pete couldn't be more correct. almond milk needs to be eliminated.

"I'm in"

"excellent! just as I suspected." pete said. pete flicked his wrist. within a second, some kind of paper and a pen appeared in Satan's hand. "just got some paperwork for ya," pete said as he handed Ryan the paper and pen. It didn't take long for Ryan to realise that the pen was shaped like a huge black cock. instead of questioning, he signed the paperwork.

"you probably should have read that, you know, Ryan?"