I lied myself across my bed, staring down through my phone. I got a bunch of text messages and emails from my family and friends, saying how sorry they are. Really? Some of them were people that I trust, then there’s the ones who haven’t talked to me since I was young. (AN: This is how I feel… :/) I finally turned my TV on, and of course was the story of what happened 2 weeks ago. I shook my head as I saw the court trial clip on TV, then the mug shots of the Wilson brothers. I heard a beep on my phone. It was from Jason’s aunt. She was texting me the funeral arrangements and everything. I really don’t want to go, but I have to. I just don’t want to stress myself out and get into the stage of depression all over again. This is the last time I see Jason in person…so I have to do what’s right. I looked at the program of the funeral service and it said my name on it, across the word “Musical Selection.” Everyone knows I can sing…but I can’t sing at my own boyfriend’s funeral. I just cannot. They know I will break down in the middle of it. But, I’m going to have to do it…for Jason.
A week passed, autopsies were complete, the program was set, the flowers were all over the church sanctuary…and there lied the black casket where he laid. I sat down right next to his aunt, holding her hand as she sobbed and mourned for her dear nephew. Tears streamed down my eyes I continuously stared at his body. He was dressed in his white suit and tie, his hair gelled to perfection, but his eyes were closed, his body was pale and cold. I looked at the pictures next to the flowers. It was a picture of him and his parents. He looked so small and adorable, but he was only 10 when they were gone. The pastor finally got up to do a small sermon, then they did obituaries and acknowledgements and candle lights. It was finally time for me to go up and sing…
As RayRay drove me to the cemetery, I stared at the hearse in front of us. It was his casket inside. “You did a great job singing YN” RayRay said. I sighed, “Thank you.” I replied. “Look, YN I know it’s hard for you. But now you know he doesn’t have to feel pain or suffering anymore, he’s with his parents now.” He said. I looked at Ray. “I’m just being honest. I know you’re feeling something else…”
“He wasn’t feeling pain or suffering when he was with me!” I yelled. “YN, okay you don’t have to yell at me.” He replied, with his scared face.
“MAYBE I HAD TO!” I screamed, with tears coming down my face. He sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. I just wanted to say what I wanted to say, iight?” he said. “Yea, and I had to say what I had to say too, right?” I replied. I looked out the window as I saw the cemetery headstones upon us. Tears continuously streamed down my face as I kept thinking about the burial. It’s about to happen, he’s about to be laid to rest, and never seen again. I felt RayRay hold my hand. “I’m sorry YN.” He said. We pulled up the place where Jason’s casket stood above the burial. Everyone crowded around the site. The preacher said prayers, we laid flowers on top of the coffin, and then they finally lowered him down in where he laid to rest. I cried so hard on RayRay’s chest as he smoothed my back. I can hear everyone else crying too…These past few weeks have been a disaster and I can no longer let it hit me any more…Jason…I love you…But now you’re up in heaven…
