smooth to the touch | ryden (hold)

anxious arrival

(TW: self hate/self-degradation ; mentions of alcohol & drugs)
the sharp sound of the doorbell sounded through the empty house at 1 in the morning, causing brendon to yell "shit!" loudly and run out of bed. he'd been sweating in his sleep, either from anxiety or..other things. he grabbed his phone and used the light to go downstairs (well, almost fall) and to the door. he unlocked it groggily to be faced with a soaking wet ryan, who was holding his head. brendon laughed quietly and pulled ryan in and setting him on the sofa. "here's a towel. and some pills for your head" he murmured softly, trying not to make ryan's headache worse as he wrapped the towel around him, pressing against him closely as he completely enveloped him in it and making ryan's heart beat rapidly. he took some of the pills and sighed. "thanks..bren" he slurred quietly, slipping between a drunken stage and a hangover. "before you pass out on me i've got something important to show you" brendon mumbled with a pat to ryan's shoulder, helping him up as well. brendon grabbed something metallic from a drawer in the kitchen and shutting it back. he took ryan's hand to help him around and tangled their fingers together out of habit, tugging him up the stairs. he led him to the door in front of his own and stood there for a second "i've never been up here before.." ryan mused, looking around in the barely visible hallway. brendon opened the door, revealing the freshly made bed along with the guitar sitting on it, and ryan's knees became shaky. he saw some of his clothes laid out neatly on top of a dresser, the rest of them poking out of the drawers. "i uh, had an argument with dustin. and..we agreed on this" brendon said shyly, and ryan stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds before turning to brendon and wrapping his arms around his chest. "thank you so fucking much" he whispered, and brendon hugged him back, smiling and kissing the top of his head just like he'd done the first time they'd met. ryan sniffled and pulled off of brendon, placing a shaky kiss on his cheek and making brendon laugh. "you're so cute.." he cooed. "you think you can sleep in here tonight?" brendon questioned. ryan nodded uncertainly, and brendon nodded back, patting ryan's head and walking into his own room. "i'm here if you need me. goodnight. love you" he called out, shutting the door behind him. he crawled into bed and sighed, turning towards the wall.
"wait."
"SHIT!"
his face lit up and he heard the slam of ryan's door, making him cringe a little. nonetheless, brendon fell asleep quickly, sinking into his dreams again.
ryan tried to sleep. he tried for two hours. he couldn't. thoughts were swirling in his head, and he felt old urges creeping up his spine again. he couldn't stop thinking about what brendon said. "does he really?" he whispered to himself, and decided, hesitantly, to stand. he opened his door quietly and closed it behind him, repeating the same thing with brendon's. he was wearing baggy sweatpants and a lewd choice of undergarments. oh well, he thought to himself.
brendon felt the bed dip down behind him, barely waking him up as a body pressed against his, wrapping warm arms around his waist. brendon naturally cuddled up
to the heat, pressing against it like a young animal snuggling up to its mother for warmth. and they fell asleep. just like that.

brendon woke up to a fuzzy feeling in his chest, and blinked his eyes open groggily to see that he was now facing ryan, who'd climbed into his bed at some point that night, and was tracing shapes into brendon's chest. brendon smiled and put a hand in ryan's messy hair, feeling blessed to be able to see him like this. no makeup, no unnecessarily small clothes. just ryan. the boy looked at him with cute, tired eyes, and a slight blush on his face. brendon smiled even more, ruffling his hair to the dismay of ryan, who swatted at his hand playfully.
"you're a beautiful boy. you know that?" brendon spoke, breaking the silence and gazing deep into ryan's foggy eyes. ryan shook his head. "'no. i'm not" he replied, his voice sounding so normal for him to be criticizing himself so harshly. "honestly..i don't know why you ever helped me in the first place. im..just a toy for everyone. im ugly..im a stripper for fuck's sake. i can't even get a decent job, i let everyone step over me, my voice is weird, i—"
he was interrupted by a set of plump, hot and puffy lips on his own, the heat coursing through his face. he never pulled away though. and for once in his life, it felt right. not a rough kiss that he didn't consent to. not the disgusting taste of booze or weed. just the sweet taste of someone he really loved. of brendon. he felt like he could cry, again. the man had the gentlest touch ryan had ever felt. and the voice of an angel. the compassion of a god. ryan felt so lucky. and damn, he never wanted to end it. brendon deepened the kiss, pulling ryan's head closer for a decent one, and neither of them stopped to breathe. they'd both wanted it for so long. and now they had it. and it felt so good. ryan felt so fucking happy. genuinely happy, and brendon felt like he'd done something right. they laid like that, tangled up in each others legs and arms, connected at the lips, and eventually at the hands. they both needed this so badly. it felt like a dream come true. brendon pulled away slowly, leaving their foreheads touching. "i love you too" ryan whispered, making brendon's eyes light up. he put his arms around ryan's waist, pulling him so close to where their bodies were flush to each other, and looked at him with a stern look. "i'm gonna prove it to you" he mumbled, dragging his body upright and tugging ryan along with him. he pulled ryan's shirt off with a glance up at him to make sure it was okay, and ryan nodded, his face red. brendon grazed his hands over ryan's abdomen, ducking his head down to leave a light trail of kisses down his side and up to his neck. "you have such smooth skin. beautiful eyes that i could just get lost in. your hair is a gorgeous colour, and your lips—oh your lips are so amazing.." brendon muttered as he worked his way around, ending with a long and passionate kiss. "and...."

( to be continued in next chapter ;^) )