Who's That Girl

Passion

Despite my social hardships and everything else that happened during my fifth grade year at school, something good came out of it. I realized how much I loved to act. It started when my teacher ordered my book group, which read The Watsons Go to Birmingham, was assigned to perform a skit based on the book. Of course, because I was shy and submissive, I ended up with the least desired role, which was that of the grandmother. Even so, I made the most of that role and did my very best to portray her. When I later remembered enjoying that, I decided I'd audition for a play at the San Jose Children's Musical Theatre.

The play I planned to try out for held its auditions on February of 2010. About a week before the auditions, I had one of my regular check ups at the eating disorder clinic. And it brought bad news. My vital signs were lower than usual, meaning I would not be able to participate in any activity other than school. Upon hearing this, I burst into tears. The doctor was less than comforting, explaining how eating disorders always get in the way of patients' hobbies. As if it was totally my fault.

Knowing how disappointed I was, my mother managed to strike a deal of sorts with the doctor: If I could bring my vital sign numbers up within three days, I could audition. I was determined to make this happen. During those three days, I ate and rested as much as possible. And just my luck, by my next appointment I was fit to audition.

But like most things in life, the play wasn't all I thought it'd be. It wasn't worth crying over. I "landed" the most minor of roles. I did not have any lines, and I only sang and danced in the very back of the stage for about three scenes. The theatre group was a cast-all-who-audition type, but to be honest, I'd rather not been cast than given such a small, insignificant role. And to make matters worse, all those theatre kids were nasty. They were rude and haughty, looking down upon the lesser roles with smug contempt.

I sat through hours of rehearsal where I literally did almost nothing because my part was so small. I came home in tears most days because of how excluded and unimportant the other kids made me feel. Yet I knew that if I were to become an actress, I would have to endure such things. And so, when the next show's auditions rolled around, I tried out once more. That was a horrible mistake.

Again, I received the smallest possible part. Again, I went home in tears. My mom was upset with me. I was upset with myself. I ended up giving her all the money I had to cover the non-refunded cost of the program because I sure wasn't going to endure it again. I vowed never to go back to CMT again.