sometimes when i close my eyes
i see you picking me up and swinging me up onto your shoulders. i remember the feeling of flying and the smile on your face.
sometimes when i close my eyes
i remember how you rubbed my back when i had nightmares and how you whispered that it was all a dream.
i remember how you always wanted me to follow my dreams and never forget to believe.
i remember how you teased me about my crushes and pretended to be mad sometimes.
i remember your face when i told you i didn't like boys and how you took it in stride.
but i also remember saying goodbye every sunday.
and waking up every monday and looking out the window, just in case you didn't actually leave.
i remember waking up after a nightmare without anyone to tell me it was just a dream.
i remember crying alone
because you left
and you left me alone
even though mom was home
you weren't.
Dad
you are my walls
my rocks
my heart and my soul
and you left me every sunday
and didn't always come back every weekend.
i remember hoping it was just a dream sometimes and hoping you would be there when i woke up.
but you never were.
