The Most Popular Girls In School Crossovers

S1E3-Marvel/Avengers

SEASON ONE, EPISODE THREE

Thor: "So, is there cheer practice today or not?"

Phil: "Where the fuck is Nick Fury?"

Thor: "Oh my god, it's Phil Coulsillwell."

Fury: "What the fuck do you want, Phil Coulsillwell?"

Phil: "Oh, I don't know, I heard that you're going around calling me a fuckin' liar."

Fury: "Where did you hear that?"

Phil: "Uh, I don't know, like, thirty-five seconds ago?"

Fury: "I said where, not when, you idiot."

Phil: "Shut. Up. You know I'm partially deaf in my right ear after Extremis Pepper hit me in the head with that fucking hacky-sack in the third grade."

Maria: "Where the fuck is Nick Fury?"

Thor: "Oh, my God. It's Maria Coulsillwell, the most popular girl in the history of the Blue Valley school district."

Maria: "Hiiiii, Thor."

Thor: "Oh-ohmagod..."

Fury: "Maria. How's Wichita State?"

Maria: "Um, it's great. I'm, like, in a shit-ton of sororities, and I have a twenty-nine-year-old boyfriend. Suck it."

Fury: "It's so good to see you."

Maria: "I heard you were calling my sister a fuckin' liar."

Jasper: "Where the fuck is Nick Fury?"

Fury: "Who the fuck are you?"

Jasper: "Who the fuck are you?"

Fury: "Oh, no. No. We are not doing this again."

Maria: "This is our brother Jasper. He's the most popular guy in Meadow Lane elementary."

Jasper: "And I heard you were calling my sister a fucking liar."

Thor: "Okay, seriously? Who the fuck is watching the door? How'd a nine-year-old get in here?"

Jasper: "Shut. Up. Thor Odinsson. Or should I tell everybody you make out with Ida Martinez behind Sasou's popcorn every day after school?"

Thor: "H-how do you know about that?"

Jasper: "Kjerstin Selvig. We have gymnastics together."

Phil: "What?"

Maria: "Fucking stand on the other side of me."

Phil: "Fucking Extremis Pepper... Listen, Nick Fury. We want- God, it smells terrible in here."

Fury: "Somebody literally just pooped."

Maria: "It smells awful."

Jasper: "It smells like someone put a diabetic foot into a sandwich and left it in the sun. Ugh."

Thor: *throwing up* "I'm sorry. I'll text Amber Zendajos."

Phil: "Anyway, I want an apology. I'm not a fuckin' liar!"

Fury: "You are a fuckin' liar! And I'll gladly tell it to all of Overland Park."

Maria: "Well, then, I'll gladly tell the student bodies of Wichita State, Kansas, and San Diego State that you eat dick burritos."

Thor: "Oh, my God, that's everywhere you applied."

Fury: "I know."

Jasper: "And I'll gladly tell the entire student body of Meadow Lane Elementary that first-grader Kaitlin Fury is rife with cooties."

Thor: "That's totally your sister"

Fury: "I know... Okay. Fine. Phil Coulsillwell, I. Am. Sorry."

Phil: "I didn't believe that for a goddamn second. I want a handwritten apology delivered to my locker, along with twenty-five dollars in Pac Sun bucks. Additionally, I want possession of all boys' bathrooms from the west bank of lockers to the second floor and to the two trees in the quad."

Fury: "Fuck you."

Jasper: "You know, Nick, it would be a shame if your sister fell down a flight of stairs."

Fury: "Uh, fine. I accept your terms. But you have to give the cheer squad the center lunch table."

Maria: "Fine."

Fury: "There's also a guy named Steve who has pooping priveleges here."

Phil: "He will be safe."

Fury: "Good. But know this: the war between the cheer squad and the Coulsillwell family has just begun."

Phil: "Understood."

Maria: "Understood."

Jasper: "Understood."

Thor: "Wait, what's going on?"

*Natasha Romanoff runs into a stall*

All: "Fucking Natasha Romanoff."