The Tales Of Samunthanian

Chapter 1

Impogen's POV
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I placed my hand on her cheek, holding it carefully. "Thank you master for everything you've taught me."

She nodded in gratitude. "I mean, you gave me no choice, it was either you and Johnty or the dip shits." She added wisely.

"Thank you for your wise words." I removed my blade from her neck, she took a deep breath.

"See you around, Master Megundy." I waved to her as I left the room. Once I left the room I was greeted by a frowning Johnty.

"How bloody long does it take for you to say bye to the master?" He tapped his foot impatiently.

I shrugged. "What did you expect, she's a sexy beast."
"She's also our master who taught us to fight."
He added rolling his eyes.

"I especially liked when she taught us how to get some." I winked at him flirtatiously, he knew I was joking.

"Well come on, the loots not gonna wait for us." Johnty picked up a backpack and buckled his sword to his belt.

"True." I replied.

Then we linked arms and skipped to the exit of the castle.

Once we were out in the wilderness we followed a winding dirt path that had been marked on the map Johnty was carrying. "What is this great, almighty loot you've been telling me all about then?" I asked mostly because I was bored of the silence.

"It is guarded by a great trolless who goes by the name Samuthanian. I've heard it's piles of gold, glory and hentai." He replied with a shrug.

"Sounds like our kind of thing then." I laughed.

"I guess since this is meant to be an amazing epic journey, we're gonna have to meet some new dick head companions then?" He asked and checked the map once more.

"Of course, we gonna do this Lord 'o' de rings style mate." I say and do a west coast hand gesture.

He chuckles and holds the map in front of my face. "We gotta go through the forest of Joel, so you betta got the dough ready." He added.

"When do I not?" I asked.

"All the time, you absolute failed abortion." He scowls and points a finger at me.

"Love you too babes." I chuckle and make a ring with my fingers and put them over his pointed finger.

"Whatever." He says and rolls his eyes.

"How far away is this fucking forest?" I asked impatiently. Johnty blatantly ignored me. Guess he  got bored of me.

We carried on along the path watching as we passed small burning houses. It was rather funny watching the residents run out screaming- wow- I got dark real quick- like 0 to 100 real quick...

I looked forward to the green blob of trees in the distance, must be the forest. There was many of gates throughout the forest, we had passed through there before, a couple years ago on our way to the seagull kingdom.

At each gate you must pay a toll of three silver pieces. It's rather irritating, I mean, yes it's cheaper to go around but that would take like a whole three days... That's why we'd rather go straight through, can't have this story drag on for three extra days now can we? I know I don't have time for that bullshit.

I looked back to Johnty, he had the map tucked into his belt simply because he's a lazy piece of shit who couldn't be arsed to hold it or put it in his bag.

"I hope we don't come across any bigoted arse holes. They'll be annoying" he sighed after noticing me watching him.

"They might be quite funny- like- not like I agree with them funny- as in funny trying to watch them explain their opinions" I reply with a nervous laugh.

"I get you fam." He nodded to me with an understanding tone.

Man, it's boring trying to drag out our journey to this forest as to not rush the book... This is meant to be an epic adventure after all.

Right fuck it.

We arrived at the forest of Joel only to be met by the first gate.

"You got the dosh?" Johnty asked as we stood in the line for the gate.

"Everyday bro." I chirp and pull out a little leather sack made of the finest bulls bollock.

Johnty nods, then his foot taps, then he plays flappy birds, then he taps his foot again, then he shouts "HOW MUCH FUCKING TIME DOES IT TAKE TO COUNT?! DID THESE FUCKING GNOMES PASS THEIR GCSES?!?!"

I pull out my freeze ray then channel my inner Gru, put on my best accent and dance forwards firing at people in line "Freeze ray! Freeze ray- Freeze ray~"

Finally we made it to the front of the line, looking down at the terrified Gnomes.

"Th- th- thr-the-eeeee- c-c-cccc-c-coin-nnnss-ssszzz-zzzz-"

I looked at my watch.

"zzzzzz-ssszz- p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-l-l-l-eeeeeeeeeeee-eeeaaaaa-ssss-ssss-ssszzzzz-zzzzzzzzeeeee"

(Lol you thought)

"zzzzzzzzzzzz"

I look up from half way through my dictionary. "Here you go famalam."

I drop the coins to the floor and walk through the gate before doing that 'call me' hand gesture but waving with it and saying "Wagwan."

"Why are you even allowed to breathe the same air as me...?" He asks with extreme disappointment.

"Cos I'm swag." I say smiling cheerily.

Instead of explaining the next five gates (which I'm gonna say we didn't pay for cos we're evil af) I'm going to give you a quick rendition of my favourite film, shrek.

"Lonely ogre meets princess, she turns into ogre when aroused, Donkey joins the mess and somehow the dragon invites herself to the party and then there's a cat looking at himself in the mirror admiringly, then babies were born and a giant ginger bread man dies."

We finally left the forest. The world seemed a little brighter, everything was happier out here, jk there's pollution everywhere, just how I like it.

We look at our map and decide to head to the beautiful Kingdom of the seagulls.