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pathetic

I deserve it all...

Every single cut, every one single one

No matter what anyone says,
my boyfriend, my best friends, anyone I deserve every single cut I give myself.  pain is all  I deserve, pain and suffering.

I stand completely alone no matter how many people love me.
I'll always be alone lost in  dazed "dreams" wishing I could just live a normal life, wishing I could just love myself but I can't, I'm not aloud happiness I'm only aloud pain and suffering.

The only place I'll be going in years to come is hell, I'm not aloud to go to heaven I lost my change I'm doomed to hell Satan has me wrapped around his finger and when I arrive in hell I'll get what I deserve, torture.

So here I stand blood pouring from my thighs and wrists with a pill bottle in my hand wishing for death to creep up and take me away.

To  my boyfriend, I'm sorry and I love you dearly but I don't deserve a loving boyfriend like you, all I deserve is pain and suffering

And to my friends I'm sorry, I'm the worst person and you deserve better then some one as pathetic as me.

But as I've been told I need to stay strong but thats impossible for me so here I lay crying myself to sleep once more...