Nocturne in Silver and Blue

Chapter 3- Experimenting

"There are
some feelings
you will never
find words for;

you will learn
to name them
after the ones
who gave them
to you."

- Maza-Dohta

*

Harry thought, – after... six years? It's been six years, hasn't it? – that he knew everything there was to know about Louis. Or, at least, that he knew more about Louis than anyone else did. It's strangely exciting to discover that he was so, so wrong.

He already knew that he'll somehow end up laughing whenever Louis does and that Louis likes looking up at the sky and that he nicks Harry's things whenever he can get away with it. He's still sure there's that thing he knows about Louis that nobody else does. But it's the first time he gets to figure out that Louis kisses like it's the easiest thing in the world, that he sometimes giggles for no reason when he's sucking on Harry's neck, that he gives absolutely fantastic handjobs.

(He discovers this the day he's sulky about having to go back to school after Christmas holidays, and Louis takes it upon himself to "cheer him up." Louis has to have done this before, there's no other explanation for how smooth he is about it, but Harry finds he doesn't particularly mind – not when he's so good at it Harry's coming in about five seconds with Louis's hand on his cock and is left gasping and trembly. Harry insists on having a go at it right after. Having his hand on Louis's cock should be a bit weird but it's mostly just really hot, especially because his sort-of clumsiness at this is still enough to get Louis writhing and have him coming all over Harry's hand soon enough.)

So it's a thing that just sort of... happens. Louis is absolutely still Harry's best mate and they snog a lot and get each other off whenever they possibly can and when Harry thinks about it it's a bit like having a girlfriend – boyfriend? – but one that's just, like. Just Louis. So they're technically the same as they've always been only with this new thing they never really talk about, that's just there – they'll be wrestling on the ground and when Louis has him pinned down instead of just grinning smugly he looks at Harry for a moment and then kisses him – and anyway, Harry reasons, it works just fine, doesn't it? Why should they talk about things and risk it getting weird when they can just carry on as they are without it being, like, a thing?

Anyway, thinking about a thing with Louis is strangely unsettling. It's... it's Louis. They don't work like that. Do they?

Whatever. This he only thinks when he's alone. Being with Louis is nice because he never has to think about it.

He's stopped dating girls for good. That's not even a question. It doesn't matter that he and Louis aren't anything, because the idea is just– it's wrong. As the weeks go by, one or two girls try to approach him tentatively, and he turns them down every time. (He's sort of friends with Dan now, but that's all it is.) He barely hangs out with people from school now anyway because he'd much rather go home and find Louis and snog him for a few hours. When would he even have time to date someone?

It's like– since Louis's barely met anyone Harry knows apart from Gemma and his mum, it's like whenever he's with him it's something completely apart from everything else in Harry's life. And now that feeling's only gotten stronger. Harry doesn't do it on purpose, exactly. It's just really, really hard to remember anyone else exists at all when Louis has his shirt off and a hand in Harry's pants– and for some reason it happens a lot of the other times too, even when they're not doing handjob things. But really, how is Harry going to think about anything that's not what's here when he has Louis glowing warm next to him?

They don't only do things in Harry's room. Harry kisses Louis down by the river a lot, and that's out in the open even if there's barely ever anyone there. It seems daring at first, makes Harry's hands shake a bit when he pulls Louis in and makes his heart beat even faster than when they usually do this. But they move on to riskier things when Louis won't stop touching his leg under the table when he stays over for dinner, or when he insists on going with Harry to buy groceries and kisses him next to the canned food where anyone could walk in and see; before Harry notices, it's become a game to see just how much they can get away with. (Harry knows it's dangerous, that if anyone from the village saw them at all it'd take less than a day for word to get out, but that only seems to add to the risk and adding to the risk means adding to the fun.) Harry's pretty pleased with himself when he manages to top Louis's sneaking into school and snogging him behind the gym by dragging Louis into the trees next to the park and getting him off right then and there.