Falsehood

Entry #1 10/2/15

So, Diane bought me this journal for my birthday. Two years ago. I only just remembered about it a few days ago to be entirely honest. I stuffed it under some old clothes I never wear anymore and it sat there for two whole years. Happy birthday times two, Dr. Diary. Anyway, I wasn't really interested in it at all when she gave it to me along with the record player, records, and clothes, yet here I am, writing in it years later. She figured it would be a fun way to release my emotions and deepest secrets, but so far, I'm actually kind of bored. But, I'll give it a few days before I decide to toss it. Who knows, maybe I'll grow fond of Dr. Diary.

Diane suggested I treat Dr. Diary as if it was a real person I was writing to, so I suppose I should describe myself to you so you can imagine what I look like. You cool with that Doc? Course you are. I'm a sixteen year old adopted black girl, and the woman I keep mentioning, Diane, is the person who had adopted me ten years ago. She's white, so you can understand the confusion other whites have when they see me with her for the first time. Most figure I'm mixed, but after they hear me call Diane, Diane, it clicks in most. Some need a little extra help to understand, but that's chill. Diane insists I refer to her as "mom", but I'm not exactly comfortable with that. I like to think of her as...well, a thirty-two year old room-mate that is constantly worried about the person they are living with.

I've never seen a single picture of my biological parents, but I bet they were a really cute couple. I hope their relationship was a good one and that I didn't make them split. I can only imagine I inherited my father's features. Broad shoulders, crooked nose, round jaw, wide eyes, thick lips, and big, curly black hair. I say my eyes are my best feature, but that's a lie. They're literally the colour of shit. Have you ever been fascinated by something coloured like fecal matter? Okay, grizzly bears are an exception, but most would answer no. Diane says they're stunning and that I should be happy with them the way they are, but I still wear the coloured contacts I bought claiming they were for a Halloween costume. I wear them everyday I can. They're a lovely hazel colour and I get a lot of questions about them. Is that your real eye colour Tanya? Gosh your irises are huge! Are they naturally big? I don't think my classmates have ever seen my real eye colour, and I'd like to keep it that way. I mean, sure, they know that green isn't my real eye colour, but, whatever.

I think that's about all I can describe at the moment. Hope that works for you. If it doesn't, well, deal with it. You're gonna be stuck with me for a while, you'll learn more along the way. I gotta zayn, dinner's ready and it's spaghetti and no one wants to be late for spaghetti Saturday.