Secrets of Adeline (Book 2)

Chapter 19: storm

     When a storm hits, there's no accurate way of predicting the outcome. Sure, you can make an educated guess... But you never know for sure what is going to happen until it actually does.

     Most storms hit quickly without warning. Though, you seem to know that something is about to happen. That's how it was for me, I felt it coming. A storm was about to hit, and it was hurling right in my direction.

     I don't mean a literal storm, but more as a wave of sadness that cannot be overpowered by any amount of happiness. Sure, happiness is a choice. But what if no matter how many times you choose to be happy, a storm hits?

     The scale was about to tip. It was perfectly center, though now it would either tip one way or the other which would be the cause of the sudden storm.

     Sometimes keeping up with time is just too hard. Things change too fast, I knew nothing was permanent.

     I was sitting in class, the more time passed, the more distant I became from my friends. It wasn't them, but it was me. I push people away, feeling as if maybe it was me to be left at fault for all their sadness. After all, I was supposed to lead them, to guide them, to help them. But sometimes I just couldn't, and when I couldn't... I felt as if I wasn't good enough, as though there wasn't a reason for them to love me anymore so I should just leave them  alone and in time, they would realize that I wasn't good for them. I wasn't good enough.

     The clock ticked with every second, I rest my head on my desk blocking out every conversation within the room. Jasper was next to me, chatting away with a few others. "Isn't that right, Adeline?" He interrupts my thoughts, smiling vibrantly. "Um... What?" I ask sheepishly. "Don't you think Alaina and I are going to last?" He asked, as if he already knew my answer.

     "Um. Yeah, sure. Of course." I tell him what he wants to hear. "Hey, are you okay?" He asks with a worried expression. My stomach churned, I responded with carefully chosen words. "I'm fine, just tired." I force a yawn. It was partially true. I was tired, but not in the way I made it sound. I not only lacked sleep, the circles under my eyes becoming a regular thing, I was tired of feeling lost.

     I bit my lip, going back to staring into the air. I was scared. Scared that last years depression had come back for a final strike, and I hoped to god I wasn't right. "Okay." He replies. I wonder, of all the people that ask me if I'm okay on a daily basis, what would they actually do if I said, "no?" What could they do? They could care less what my actual answer was.

     More and more people at school were catching "depression" or at least what they thought it was. Depression isn't something you could run away from. Nowadays, it was a common term. Girls asking for attention would just throw the word around not knowing how serious it actually was. It frustrated me when they said they were depressed when in reality, they haven't felt half of what I have felt. What would they do if they did?

     Most people think they know me, and I have countless amounts of friends. But none of which actually do know me, the real Adeline. They didn't understand the way I thought, they didn't understand the things I do, or say, or anything about me in general. No one knew me. Accept for one. My sister, Maria. When she left, that's when I learned to accept that I was alone. No one I could tell my problems to, in fear that they wouldn't understand. So I kept to myself, pushing people away, walking faster in the hallways so I didn't have to create small talk with my close friends, locking myself in my room the second I got home so I didn't have to communicate with my parents. I distanced myself from everyone who cared about me.