October 30th 2015

October 19th 2015

School is school, boring as usual. The parking lot? Hell, it seemed as if I was never going to get out of there. I wait for what seems like ever and finally a gracious person let's me back out of my spot but, then again I have to wait for all the traffic. I had such a great day with all my friend and I was getting pumped because gymnastics season was starting in fourteen days, little did I know this was going to be the second worst day of my life.
I get home around 3:25 to find my father sitting on the couch, everything seemed tense. Usually he is sleeping when I arrive because he works early morning, but me thinking nothing of it go up and sit next to him. Now by this point I can tell somethings up by how he's acting and he finally says it. He tells me how my grandmother, his mom, has pancreatic cancer... One of the most aggressive cancers there is, I start crying of course like anyone would, but in my case I had already lost my other grandmother to lung cancer.
Now this is now how I pictured starting off my junior year an gymnastics season, but I would just to have to make do. I feel guilty because I know he's probably more hung up than I am about this so I don't want to cry in front of him. I run down stairs to my bedroom and call my boyfriend and text some of my close friends, my boyfriend, Kahlen, was having a very hard time understand what I was trying to say through my tears as you can imagine. But finally he understand and he is very sympathetic, well as sympathetic as he can be.
It's hard to remember a lot of what happened that night because most of it was just crying and talking to people because I felt so alone... This ordinary day had become one of the days that for the past week has not stopped playing over and over in my head. It haunts me everyday and I can't do anything but hide it because, that's all I really know how to do.