I have always felt this. It's a feeling deep down inside. I feel like no one notices I am there. There are a few who notice, and an even smaller amount that actually care. They are the ones who make me feel okay. They don't know how lonely I feel. Even when I am around them, I feel lonely.
I am one of those unpopular kids. I am a cool person, but I guess my looks don't reflect that. I guess to them I am a complete freak that no one likes. That hurts me. Hurt that hasn't caught up with me till now. It's making me realize how much I am alone.
I try to socialize with people like a normal person. Everyone looks at me like I am a freak and I have something wrong with me. Maybe if they wouldn't be so fucking judgmental, they would see the real me. Its almost like someone is constantly saying shit about me. Yeah, I know I have family that likes me, but when you only have 3 people to talk to at school, it hurts. It feels like everyone doesn't like you because of the way you look. I have tried changing how I look multiple times, but it hasn't done shit. I've gone from wearing comfortable glasses to wearing the most uncomfortable contacts, just to fit in. That hasn't done shit. I have changed my style hundreds of times, yet I get no positive outcome.
I've been wanting a girlfriend for the longest time. I want someone I can talk with about personal things. I want someone to be there for me, and me to be there for. I want to cuddle with her, and I want to hang out with her all the time. I want someone to love. This is hard to find for me. I know everyone is saying that I'm just in middle school, and I have my whole life to settle down with someone. Yeah that is true, but it seems like every single person I know in the school, is in a relationship. It hurts just to see everyone else so happy.
There are ways that I deal with this. Music, activities, and spending time with family, but sometimes this isn't enough. I am always just sad. I'm not depressed by any means, I'm just hurt.
