Across the road is an old man who seemed to have been through the worsts of life, but a tobacco on his mouth made him looked like he surpassed it all-- then I think of you.
Outside the store is a middle aged man drowned in alcohol, he looks so hopeless and peaceful at the same time. Then I think of you.
In the parking lot is a teenager who punches the face of the other guy beside him, the guy punches him back and they fought like tomorrow isn't coming. Blood covers their faces until the policemen came. Then I think of you.
I remember you in every bad picture that this world can reveal. But I also remember how brave I was to get out of my comfort zone to be able to dive in your rough, drastic, and intense life.
When I fell in love with you, I was afraid you'd make me live in your hell, too. But you held my hands and put me to heaven instead. I was proud I could see heavens in your eyes. What I wanted is for other people to see what I saw in you. So I forced you to bring out the blue skies within that fixer upper image to cover-up the rain that is about to fall.
I forced you to embrace a new life and leave the person you once were. I told you that I couldn't love a person who cannot sacrifice for me. I made you feel like you are pathetic, worthless, nothing. I'll admit, I was wrong.
I never saw you cry. Even the day I told you I was leaving, you didn't cry. That's how tough you are. I thought, maybe you were relieved because I will finally stop forcing you to be a person you aren't by leaving you.
Few steps before I get out of your door, I was bewildered to see your arms around my tummy and your face on my left shoulder. You are hugging me from the back with a soft sob, pleading to not leave you. But I still walked away.
To see you again is a dream I always pray for before I fall asleep. And to see you with another woman is a nightmare I couldn't bear.
Yesterday I saw you outside your house, smoking with a cigarette I told you to throw before but you always refused to. You still have that long hair I wish you would cut to reveal your handsomeness. I was about to approach you when a woman wearing your favorite shirt, eyes are closed feeling the joy in your presence, hugged you from your back and with no hesitation, in an instant, you threw your cigarette.
As you walked inside your house, holding a woman's hand who accepted you for who you are, my world have been destroyed by the catastrophe I made for myself. I apologize for being someone who was full of herself, thinking she was always right.
My mistake is I tried to fix you when there's no need to fix anything. I forced you to change, when we can grow and better ourselves together.
Before you close the door... before you close your door, I hope you can hear me say:
"I'm sorry..."
