run the world [fem!larry]

i.

THE LACKLUSTER (AND ADMITTEDLY CLICHE) BEGINNING:

Louis swallows over the fresh round of nerves building in her throat, smoothing her hands over her ill-fitting trousers as she stands in front of the ominous looking mahogany doors that separates her from normalcy and this weird, diverse world that is filled with aimless mutant girls that are supposedly 'just like her'. She can already hear the tinkling, girlish laughter forcing it's way into her ears from behind the door and has to fight the urge to smash her face against the ornate columns that hold up the stupidly fancy porch until she's unconscious. Louis hates teenage girls, and now she is about to be trapped in a mansion with nearly a hundred of them for the next few months. She solemnly vows to herself that if any of these teenage mutant fembots tries to braid her hair then she will scream at the top of her lungs until they take her to an asylum where she'll probably be way more at peace. Her mum did always tell her that she was meant for the loony bin.

"Come on, Louis, I'll take you to your room," a voice comes from beside her.

She looks over to eye the woman that persuaded her to even come here in the first place. She seems alright enough, with her long, icy-blue hair and thin lips that are always pulled into a dimpled smile, and if they met in a different way then Louis would have definitely tried to shag her. But, instead, she is just some super-serious young woman that goes by the name Ultra (And, really, what in the fuck kind of name is that? The only good thing that includes the word ultra is an ultra absorbent tampon, and Louis highly doubts that that is this girl's power; but who is she to judge? When Louis gets angry she makes her own fucking body explode.) and is supposed to be Louis' superhero guru or something. (She didn't really listen to Ultra's long-as-hell monologue about why Louis needed to come to this place with her. She essentially zoned out and decided to agree to go along with the whole shebang once she heard that she could stay in a mansion and would get free food and hospital treatment for her remission as a result of it.)

"Is it too late to change my mind?" Louis asks, letting her mouth settle into a small scowl when she detects what sounds like some nauseating pop song from somewhere inside the building.

Ultra shoulders past her, raising a manicured hand to knock on the door with two, solid thumps. "Yes, it is."

The door opens mere seconds later to reveal a petite girl with green skin and massive purple eyes. Louis smiles to herself, the girl looks like a female Shrek (without the weird ears, of course). She stares at Louis blankly for a moment before gazing over at Ultra and beaming a smile towards her. Which, is, you know, rude. Just because Louis doesn't have that pretty-girl look going for her doesn't mean that she suddenly doesn't exist and isn't deserving a greeting of any kind.

"Hey, Ultra!" Fem-Shrek greets warmly. "Who's the stray?"

"This is the last recruit for the Direction Project," Ultra explains, pushing Louis forward so that they both enter the mansion. The place smells like old lady soap. "She doesn't have an alias yet."

"Oh, that's sick." Fem-Shrek looks directly at Louis, giving her an odd look. "Nice hair," she compliments.

Louis opens her mouth, aiming to ask her if her friend Donkey is anywhere close, but Ultra is already gripping her arm and dragging her towards the stupidly massive staircase that takes up most of the space in the entry hall. She takes the time to assess her surroundings as Ultra begins to manhandle her up the carpeted steps; they were only in the entry hall for a few seconds, but it was long enough for her to realize that the motherfucking mansion is decorated in less of an overzealous Christian Grey kind of way, but more so like a ninety year old woman with too much money and hardly any creativity was in charge of the interior. There's an overabundance of dark mahoganies and velvet drapery, and Louis doesn't miss the massive portrait of some old looking bloke that is smiling like there's an twelve inch dildo shoved up his arse. It looks a bit like the mansion that's the setting for that shitty Eddie Murphy 'scary but still family appropriate' film that Louis' little sister always made her watch when Halloween neared. Poor decoration choices aside, it's still the most expensive building that she has ever stepped foot into, and she halfway wishes that Ultra wasn't walking so quickly because she is a curious twat that wants to know what the other rooms look like.