Hurt and Abused (COMPLETE)

Getting to know Melody

Point of  view of Melody:

Hello, my name is Melody Parks. I'm 17 years old and in 2 months I will be 18. I can't  say that I am not excited, I mean I'm actually going to be an adult; tell me that's not something to look forward to!?

Also, I will be graduating soon. Yes, Melody Parks will be graduating high school very, very soon.

Most people that I've met wonder where my name Melody came from, and I wish the answer was spontaneous and something you wouldn't even imagine of, but as depressing as it sounds, its the same basic story all the time, my parents; well my mom, when she was younger she liked to sing and perform, and ironically as it sounds, music; melody... melody; music... I know its weird but its very interesting sometimes, maybe because I love the way Jordan says my name. MEL-O-DEE, MEL-O-DEE, MEL-O-DEE!!! I have a very sickening mind and yes the letter 'D' makes me giggle, its highly inappropriate, but oh well!

So lets skip this topic and speak about my mom. Let me start off by saying she has long bleach blonde hair, and her skin is so clear! Sometimes I wish I was blessed with skin as hers. 

What kept me alive during my upcoming of 4 years of high school was my boyfriend Jordan. We've been dating since freshman year. Jordan promised me that after 2 years of high school, he might actually propose and I can't wait, what girl doesn't want a fairy tale wedding? But other than that, I like the fact of holding on to something, holding on to some commitment because Jordan, he's very strange in certain ways. I'm just glad that lately he's been having his good days because once you get into his world and turn things upside down, things can get very very scary. 

I live with my parents but I usually spend most of my time with Jordan at his apartment. Its a very nice apartment and its big enough to start out very own family in it. I remember when he first got it, he was very excited considering he bought it with some of the money his father left after he died. Jordan was devastated and he still is to this day.

After graduation I have plans of moving in with Jordan, and that includes, not having to turn down the volume of my music when it's late or listen to my parents rules. It's just going to be Jordan and I. I love Jordan, I love him with all of my heart and I hope that one day I will have the chance to be the one to change his life into the best that it can be. 

I met Jordan in 5th grade, there we became best friends, and in 9th grade we decided to date. But during those times, sometimes it felt like I wasn't even dating Jordan anymore, he started to change. Now don't get me wrong, he did not change over night, it wasn't like we went to bed one day and the next morning he became a total psychopath, it all happened at a rocky pace that neither him or I could handle. 

Some of the behaviors that I noticed while we were dating was he was getting more and more aggressive. Like I noticed when we get into arguments he was trying to restrain himself, like he was trying not to put his hands on me but then he started pushing, the pushing wasn't hard enough to knock me down but it was definitely hard enough to get my attention. That eventually graduated to punching and kicking me. Then all of those things led to slapping, getting verbally abusive and much more, but yet I still forgive him and go back. Not like I even have a choice. And as dumb as I sound, this isn't your typical teenage abusive story, love was involved, I actually loved him, with all of my heart.

Jordan and I have been up and down, some days it's good and most days it's bad. We have a love and hate relationship. Sometimes I wish I can run and hide from him, the sad thing is that my parents don't even know what he does to me. I want to tell them, but the fact is that I'm very embarrassed, they didn't raise an idiot or a human punching bag and other than that, I want to be the one to change Jordan, he's not a bad person, and I see the good in him and is that so bad that I want to be the one to change my man and get us to a place where we want to be?!

I not only love Jordan, but I also really really like him. He doesn't understand he can lose me but the thing is I'm just way to afraid to leave. I know if I leave, he'll find me. I never know what he can do to me if I end up getting him in rage. Until then, I'm just testing my luck.

Talking about this gets me very depressed. I'm so disappointed about the situation I'm in. But I'm learning to deal with it I guess. Anyways, my favorite color is neon orange, I don't know why I like that color, but to me it screams 'Melody'. I also love to sing. I'm always singing and dancing. I really can't sing or dance, but I do it anyways. A lot of people don't know this about me but I'm really shy. I like to hide my face in the dark. I have never spoken up to anyone. As much as I want to, I could never ever do it. Well don't we all have our own dreams, I don't know what my dream is, but hopefully in the near future I'll have one that I can count on. But one thing I can say that I'm counting on is having an amazing life, a life where I don't have to work for anybody, a life where my prince charming is here with me everyday with flowers. I need to find that prince charming, I know that I'm a love able person but will my wish come true? My life isn't that easy, just because I have parents who love me, and a roof over my head, and food on my plate, it doesn't mean I'm really happy, I get hurt too, as ridiculous as that sounds, I just want people to understand that  I'm not a robot, I still get hurt. They don't understand that my dreams are to be destined and making me feel like I'm nothing doesn't help.

Most of the time, I hear the voices in my head telling me that I should give up, give up on life, but I never do. I know everything will get better but not now. I don't love my life, but I'm getting there. Everyday I put on a fake smile to show that I'm moving on, I'm changing for the better; not the worst.

For all my haters, this isn't Burger King, you can't always have it your way. I'm Melody Parks. Its me. Its real. I'm going to get where I'm suppose to be. I'm gonna let you know when I'm there, and when I'm there the light will show off on me. I'm gonna find who I am, and I don't want to hide it. Why? Because its gonna be me. I need my missing piece, my other half. Trust me, I'll find it. Life isn't suppose to be easy. No one told me it was going to be hard though. Learn from my mistakes, I'm gonna learn from the past, and the present, and I'm gonna do the right thing in the future. Accept the changes that I make. I'm only human, and as a human, I make a lot of mistakes. My mistakes shouldn't have to control my life, why, because it shouldn't. And that's just how it is and how it's always going to be. It's either you like it, or you don't. It can't be both.

A/N:
What do you think of Melody so far? Let me know in the comment section!

~Laura