What Doesn't Kill You (Sequel to Your Secrets Safe With Me (Brallon))

This is Gospel

(a/n: for all the people who still think there is good in me, this is dedicated to you)

The dreaded day had finally come, I don't think I wouldn't have gotten out of bed without Hannah, Ryan, and a final attempt from Pete. I wasn't tired or anything, in fact, despite not sleeping in forever, I was quite the opposite. But I didn't think I could see him laying in a bed of silk and flowers, his lips cold and his porcelain skin even paler than before. 

All my friends sat in Ryan's  kitchen. Everyone was there. Pete, Patrick, Spencer, Hannah, and Ryan were all sitting there waiting for me to finally come out of the room I had refused to leave. More of our friends would be at the ceremony and would get to see him one last time. They would all say how Dallon was one of the good guys and how he shouldn't have gone so soon. They wouldn't even know the half of it.

Dallon was the kind of person that would save babies in the zombie apocalypse. Dallon Weekes was the kind of man that would stop to help old ladies cross the street and then help them carry their groceries up the stairs of the apartment building. Dallon Weekes was a beautiful amazing person that carried around so many demons that they wouldn't even know what brave was.

Speaking of demons, the police reviews of witness and victims reports show that Dallon purposefully wrecked the car. Dallon spun the wheel just write to where the front corner of his car hit that of the car in the other lane and sent him rolling. He was done and tired and it was all my fault.

I hadn't noticed I was crying until Mother Hannah was wiping my eyes with a handkerchief. Everyone was staring at me and it was kinda awkward. Each and every face standing in front of me was soaked in pity.

They have pity because they know it's your fault 

You're right

They think you think it's some freak accident and Dallon just finally broke the crazy meter

Dallon wasn't crazy it was my fault

You're goddamn right, you made a widower of yourself. It's your fault Hannah lost her last real family member. It's all your fault!

"Hey, hey. It's alright Bren, we're all here with you okay. We all understand and know what you feel right now." Hannah wiped the gathering tears from my watery eyes. 

I stared back into her eyes. She looked alot like Dallon. She was tall, lanky, her nose fit symmetrically on her face and her her lips were full. Her eyes were the same shape as her brothers, except they were more grey than his crystal blue ones. Her hair was braided back into a sleek ponytail, it contrasted greatly to his beautiful dark brown quiff.

"Ready bud?" Spencer placed a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded and allowed my friends to guide me from the apartment and lead me out to the cars. Ryan held the door for me as I slid into his car. It was like the day it all went wrong, I even had the rings in my pocket. There seemed to be no use for the shiny gold wedding bands anymore, though my finger felt empty without it. It only seemed right to have them with me even if I didn't wear them.

Absentmindedly, I slipped Dallon's ring onto my left ring finger. It was too big for me, but by wearing it I could feel the presence of him. I wasn't ready to let go of him. I wanted him to always be here by my side, like it was supposed to be. How could I let go and go on with my life if it was my fault he was dead? 

"I know it's hard Brendon, but it gets better. Like that song Pete wrote, 'Sometimes before it gets better the darkness gets bigger'" Ryan put a fatherly hand on my knee.

"'the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger'. Ryan don't you see, it's all my fault. It will always be my fault and nothing will ever change that. The police report said he most likely pulled the wheel on purpose, and it was because I yelled at him and made his anxiety worse. Why doesn't anyone see that it was my fault?" My voice was getting louder, but Ryan either didn't notice or didn't care.

"Bren, I know you aren't going to like what I'm about to say, but it needs to be said. Dallon was a time bomb. Everyone knew that, even Hannah, we all were waiting for the day he just exploded. Some of us saw it get better and saw it get worse. The reason you got mad when you did is because the anticipation of the explosion. Dallon was ready Brendon, we have to just accept that and let go." Ryan's tone stayed calm and fatherly.

I was about to open my mouth to say something when we pulled up to the funeral home where there would be a brief viewing and then we would continue to the graveyard. Hannah wasn't there yet, I thought she was in front of us but Spencer said that she needed to go do something and that she'd meet us at the burial site. Everyone went off into little groups to talk and catch up with people who hadn't been seen in a long time.

The whole gang was there. Halsey, Melanie, Jack, Alex, Joe, Andy, Vic, Kellin, and even Gerard and Mikey Way. Everyone who knew what a great person Dallon was had showed up, Hannah even invited some of Dallon's elementary friends, Gabe and Ian. They seemed to keep their distance from me, as if they were unsure of my condition . That's okay, I didn't want to talk to them anyway 

That left me all alone. All alone with the corpse of my love. Cautiously I approached the open casket, the pale grey body was unfamiliar. It's perfectly styled hair was styled to perfectly to be my husbands. This body lacked the life that used to course through the veins of him. This body was beautiful, but not the same kind of beautiful as my Dallon is. This body was beautiful, like a sculpture, you don't kiss sculptures.

I couldn't look anymore, as I turned around I saw Hannah slip in. Her face was red and blotchy from crying and her tall lanky body seemed to have shrunk down to be smaller than I was.  Something had happened, it took a lot to make Hannah cry that hard. Suddenly, I felt anger rise in me, Hannah was my last bit of Dallon and I was going to protect her as best I could. 

"Hannah what happened?" I asked demandingly

"I told them that their son was dead and that they had to come to the funeral. Brendon they just looked straight through me as if I wasn't even there. So I screamed it, I-I slapped my father so hard my hand print was on his face. Then he looked at me all confused and I repeated myself that Dallon was dead and they were coming to his funeral. They just turned and went back to staring at the wall. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them, I understand that they have PTSD but I don't know what from. How could you just not care about your own children. I'm taking my younger siblings back to my apartment for a little while, I didn't want them to come today, it would just make it harder on you." Hannah sniffled a little. I pulled her into a tight hug, holding onto her like a feather, afraid you would just drift away.

"I guess it's just you and me then."

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

My sister hit me in the face with a paddle while we were white water rafting. It really hurt and know my face is bruised.