The Heart of Seasons

Chapter 11: Say Goodbye

~Adam’s POV~

“I said chicken.”

“I said steak.”

“My house.”

“My cheering up event.”

“My food.”

“Bought with my money.”

Adam opened his mouth but no sound came out. He had no comeback. Blake sensed this and started laughing heartily.

“What’s the matter, Levine? No response? Steak it is then!” With a cheeky grin, Blake spun off the stool and headed towards the fridge. Adam followed suit and they wrestled with the door for a while until Blake used his size as an advantage and lifted Adam up, throwing him over his shoulder and then opening the door to the refrigerator.

“Hey! Not fair!” Adam exclaimed, pounding on Blake’s muscled back. He watched his floor give way to carpet and then he was being flung onto the couch. “Now, sit while I grab the steak.” Blake grinned and walked off. Adam leapt off the couch and was at his heels in an instant.

“You don’t even know how to cook, Shelton. There’s no way I’m going to let you near my stove!”

Blake laughed, opening the refrigerator and pulling out the meat. “I’m not using the stove, so you ain’t got nothing to worry about.” Adam knew what he meant and wasn’t about to let his friend get away with it. He snatched the meat out of Blake’s hand and ran out onto his patio, Blake chasing right behind.

“No way. My grill, paws off!” But he was laughing too hard to concentrate and Blake managed to get a hand on the package. They wrestled with it until Adam tripped over a step going down into the garden, pulling Blake with him. Together they tumbled down the few steps and landed in a laughing heap at the bottom.

“Dickhead.”

“Dipshit.”

They sat for a moment, enjoying the peace and quiet of the area and the chirp of birds in the trees around them, the dinner forgotten. Blake sighed then, and Adam looked over at him.

“You good?”

He didn’t look at Adam as he spoke; his eyes were on something in the far distance. “You know, I’m really gonna miss this. I mean, when I have to leave tomorrow. I wish the summer was longer.” He finally looked back and Adam saw the sadness in his blue eyes.

Scooting over, Adam laid his head on Blake’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around one of his large one’s. “Look on the bright side. You get to record a whole album and then in two and a half weeks we’re back in our judges’ panel. You can last that long without me, can’t you? I mean, I know I’m amazing and all but...” Adam started laughing but was abruptly cut off by Blake’s mouth on his.

The garden and everything else melted away as he returned the kiss with passion. When they broke apart, Adam wrapped himself in Blake’s arms and closed his eyes.

“Adam?”

“Yeah?” He raised his head and looked up at Blake, blue eyes glossy and distant.

“Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“We always stay friends no matter what?”

Adam was silent for a minute as he thought about Blake’s request. Is that all we are in the end? Nothing more than friends sharing a few intense moments here and there? Are we really nothing more? He didn’t know what he wanted, and he was pretty sure Blake didn’t either. But as he sat there remembering the kiss they shared only seconds ago, he knew he’d be lying if he said he only wanted Blake as a friend.

“No matter what.”

***

“See you at the studio?”

Blake smiled. “Two p.m. July 23rd. Sound right?”

“Mmm...I think so. Should the world go into chaos or something, I’ll text you with the new date. That sound okay?” Adam grinned, knowing full well he was going to be texting Blake a hell of a lot more often that.

Blake’s rumbling laughter sent shivers down Adam’s spine and he resisted pulling him back inside the house and cuddling with him all day. He’s not mine to keep. But as he helped his friend throw his stuff into his car, a single yet threatened to attach itself to the end of his thought.

Blake slammed the car door, breaking Adam out of his dream. He looked up at his friend, whose face was emotionless.

“Don’t miss me too much, got it?” He sighed as Blake finally cracked a small smile. In response, Adam stepped forwards and hugged him, his arms coming around Adam’s small frame and enveloping him in his warmth.

Adam could have sworn he felt pain as he pulled away, looking down at his feet to keep the knot in his throat from rising. Mere days ago he and his best friend were playing pool at a bar downtown and throwing chips at a casino. Mere days ago Blake lost his wife to another man and looked to Adam for comfort. Just days ago Adam had rescued Blake from a very strange situation. And now, it was all coming to an end.

“Well, I gotta say, this will be one summer I won’t forget.” Adam laughed. “I have to agree with you, Shelton. I don’t think anyone could forget a summer like our’s.”

There was nothing left to say but goodbye.

Blake sighed, looking down at Adam again. “See ya soon, Adam.”

“Bye Blake." And with that, he stepped back and headed up to his door, looking back through blurry eyes to wave one last time before Blake pulled out and was gone.

He went inside and threw himself down on the couch, staring unseeingly at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. He didn’t have the strength to move, and the fact that Blake’s scent was all over the couch didn’t help.

“What the hell is wrong with me...” he groaned. His eyes were still blurry, yet he wouldn’t cry. Maybe because he didn’t want to admit his fear that Blake really didn’t want him the way he wanted Blake. Or maybe because he never ever cried and his mind didn’t think this was enough to make him do so.

He sat up and stared at the blank television, the very one that started the emotional mess he was in. It felt like ages ago, the day after the fourth season of The Voice had ended and he and Blake were hiding out from the rain. Blake had turned the TV on and the two of them and their “bromance” had come up. He didn’t remember who had shut it off; it didn’t matter. The damage had been done and the rest of their hectic summer proved it.

Was he gay? No, he didn’t think so. Did he want Blake? Yes, and he couldn’t deny it. He wanted him more than any other human being on Earth. And more than just a friend.

Adam sighed and put his head in his hands. Why does life have to be so unfair?

His stomach wouldn’t untie its painful knot. He knew two and a half weeks away from Blake wouldn’t be doing this to him. So what was it?

It was the nagging truth. Something Adam had been trying to suppress but it was just getting bigger as the date got closer. Now Blake was gone, it was even more pronounced. He knew deep down inside things were going to be different. He wasn’t going to be able to have Blake that close anymore. Not when they have already established their connection. It was too risky and they both knew it. So they had no choice but to keep a safe distance at the expense of their feelings.

Finally accepting they wouldn’t be sharing any more moments together sent a ripple of searing pain through Adam’s chest, causing the tears that had been balancing precariously on his lower lids to spill over and streak down his face. They kept coming and he let them, knowing full well what was to come in the next year or even years and knowing these weren’t going to be the last of them.

Blake was not only gone for a few weeks, he was gone for good.