Melt With You

Chapter 6

Later that night, Jonathan was the only one who couldn't sleep. The girls were all huddled together, their sleeping bags next to each other slightly set back from the fire. Jonathan was mesmerized by the sound of the softly crashing waves, and he knew that he was sitting there for a long time when the tides had begun to shift. The fire was still glowing with red hot embers, and he would poke at it periodically with a long stick. The moon was full and the stars were shining so brightly down on him. It was the perfect setting, but he was still unable to enjoy it fully. He knew that there was so much he had to do when he returned home. It would follow him like a ghost that was impossible to get rid of, and he was trying his hardest not to let it eat away at him and fully consume him from the inside out. 

Behati knew that he wouldn't get any sleep. For a while, she kept one eye open just to keep watch over him from the other side of the fire. She had learned a lot about him, but he was still unpredictable and was hiding a lot of aspects about himself from the girls. Eventually, she caught her second wind and quietly got up from her sleeping bag. She walked around the fire and sat next to him on the log, digging her toes into the sand. 

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She asked sincerely.

"I just... I messed everything up. I knew I would, I knew that somehow I would be the cause of everyone's downfall. I would have the spotlight on me, everyone's eyes on me, and I would still fail everyone. It was bound to happen at some point, but I didn't want it to be this soon."

"Jonny, you're not a disappointment." Behati tried to console.

"Yes, I am. My ex-fiance hates me because I failed her. I was a disappointment to her. My city hates me because I failed them. I'm a disappointment to them too."

"Oh, please don't think like that. I know you've done so much good in your life, but you just have to remember that all people remember is the failures. They'll never remember the important things you've done. I know that it's terrible, but you have to remember the good times and the good things for the people who can't. You have to hold the good things close to your heart. Never let them go. Don't beat yourself down just because everyone else is. Be your own saving grace, and eventually everyone else will realize that too." She imparted her wisdom upon him.

"How would you know?" He asked skeptically.

"I was nineteen and at the absolute top of my game. I was winning tournaments left and right, and the spotlight was on me. I had gotten my first serious endorsements and I was beginning to break out onto magazine covers and into the spotlight. I had a lot of attention and focus on me, and every news outlet was saying I was the future of surfing for this generation. It was a lot to hold at 19, and so many of my friends didn't understand and were envious of me. They told me that I shouldn't be complaining about my talents, because it wasn't a burden to be famous and they had a lot more serious problems. I didn't know how to deal with that. 

"Then, I was entered and prospected to win Pipe Masters in J-Bay. I've seen surfers older and more experienced than I end their careers there because the waves there were deadly. I knew there was no way I could win, but I went into the competition anyway while trying to live up to the expectations I had on my shoulders. I wiped out in the first round, on my first wave. My board flew up and hit me in the chin, knocking me unconscious and fracturing my C4 vertebrae. I didn't go near the water for almost two years, and everyone who praised me was telling me how much I failed to live up to the standards set by other people for me. It was tough, and I know exactly what you're feeling." Behati explained. 

"I'm sorry that happened to you." Jonathan apologized somberly.

"I was too for a while. But I realized I had nothing to be sorry for. It was an accident, and I wasn't a failure. You just have to realize the same thing. Missing one goal isn't going to kill you, despite what the fans are making you think. Maybe you just need better fans, Jonny."

For a long time, there was silence. They both sat by the ocean, staring into the fire. Behati's hand eventually found Jonny's, and she leaned over and put one hand on his cheek while she kissed the other. She could feel how much pain he was in, and was giving everything she had trying to make it better. 

Not long after, she got up from her spot next to him and went back to her sleeping bag after telling him goodnight. Jonny was then able to get some rest, his mind felt a little more settled, and the demons running around in his heart and his head and his stomach had slowed to a light jog and weren't tormenting him as badly anymore. There were still so many loose ends to tie up with everyone he had a personal relationship with,  but he would figure out a way to get through it all. He knew that smooth seas don't make good sailors, and this was certainly not the roughest he could have it. He would make it out just fine.