novaнd | one-sнoтs

✧ Trip 3 ✧

Warnings
self-hate, self-homophobia
;;

| 3rd Person POV |

The slap hurt. The sting afterwards were he recollected himself did even more so. Emotional, or physical?

James stood there, in complete shock. He wasn't even sure about which event in particular.

Aleks looked at him with something in his eyes, none were sure if it was disdain or sorrow.

The stare only lingered for a few seconds before they both recollected themselves and Aleks left the bathroom.

James stayed there, just thinking. Thinking about how why he did it, and how he just, did it.

Scanning the bathroom, James could see how their tussle made a bit of a mess.

The usually shut doors were either half of all the way open, the soap dispenser was chipped from the accidental punch, one sink's water was kept running as the other had a few drops of blood draining down.

James turned off the faucet before heading back to everyone else. The restaurant seemed unbothered with the density that the fight had caused.

He looked over the table, seeing Alels had switched with Eddie. His hood was over his head and he looked, conserved. James sat at his seat, still peering over at Aleks.

The rest of the meal it was silence between the two teenagers. James thought of everything, anything to get some type of topic started again.

'Sorry for kissing you.'

'I'm gay and sorry.'

'I'm in love with you but you're clueless.'

James shook it off, that definitely was getting to the point. And in his honesty, he wasn't sorry.

Solemn, sad, lonely, hurt, rejected, criticized, oppressed. James felt likewise but he wouldn't admit it.

He begged God to not give Aleks the idea of starting the conversation even worse than what he was trying to think of.

The two families were back in the road on the huge trailer that Jordan and Dan had rented. Seamus and Eddie sat at the table, loving watching the scenery that they passed.

God knew where Aleks was at since James didn't bother to check. He rushed into the car as soon as they paid for the meal.

There sat James, in the bottom bunk. The top one's sheets were made sure to be draped over for privacy. Only James's own worse judgement to be the one to attack.

'Gay?'

'Homo.'

'Fruit.'

'Pissyboy.'

'Pansy.'

'Fag!'

'Little bitch.'

'Queer.'

'Gayboy.'

'Disgusting.'

Slurs and insults flowed through his head, bad judgement of himself was the only one to blame. He sobbed on the sheets. Wiping and wiping his tears away quickly enough to try for no one to see his sadness.

"James?" Aleks's low voiced called him. His sad eyes met James's puffy ones. Aleks bit back the guilt and decided to comfort him first.

Aleks heaved the sheets to the side for easier access to the sobbing mess. James turned closer to the wall, his shirt was pulled over his face so he couldn't see Aleks's again.

"I'm sorry I'm a homo, fag, disgusting, pansy gayboy that couldn't stop his stupid feelings." He cried. His fists rubbed harder against his eyes as his tears flooded faster.

Aleks grabbed James's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "There's nothing wrong with your sexuality, James."

"You're, wrong." Was all James could say. He could admit he sounded like a toddler, but his feelings were unsure.

"Your feelings are valid. You're valid, James. Everything you're feeling is fine, it's sometimes hard to accept it."

"But you don't like me."

Aleks gave a sympathetic smile, trying to show him he understands. "James, I'm pansexual. The only problem for our relationship is that I'm Aro."

"Oh." James felt embarrassment rushing over him. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I shouldn't have kissed you, it was a bad choice, oh god-"

"James! It's fine." Aleks stopped him as he watched the other's guilty eyes start to water. "It's going to take a while, but I have a feeling it'll be worth it."

『』

[im trying really hard.

Damn girl,
Are you Kari?
Bc you're one of the nicest
people I've ever met.]