I'll Try Not To Hurt You

Chapter 11

Well technically i have already written this chapter but i deleted it because it was not... well i dont now how to explain.

Ok so if i get some comment from someone saying i need help swear i will go off.

2 nights ago i was thinking of suicide and im lucky i had a pare of earphones by me or i might have clocked out . It was the most simpilist thing that could of ended me. I have came to the conclution im a suicidle mother f***** im insane my dad is a huge part of the problom he doesnt understand how much it hurts me when he says he made a mistake or when he sais he failed as a father because he is just telling me i am a failure i am his failure i have thoght about suicide so much adleast i used to i stoped for almost 3 months ive been to busy to think then one night everything just came at me like a bullet so fast and didnt realized i got hit till i looked, i didnt have a thoght about suicide for so long untill 2 days ago i felt like that was my last day. When my teacher pold me out of my advisery to talk to her and she asked if i needed to talk about whats happend and i realized that ive never had that quistion asked. Im going a bit insane. i am close to riping this assisstant teaachers head off she keeps she is helping me and being all joly and freaking happy when it seems that she hasnt seen life out side of her prepy little  life she may be abit older then me but does she know the struggle of our lives "If she does then shes asking for someone to look at her and just freaken say get the F*** out of my face oh my freaken god she literaly anoys me with how happy she is.

Ok so reacently i have had it aspeshaly ruf then normal it seems like my life was falling apart my edge was my friends my family doesnt give a crap about me they see me as the goth i was everybody but me and my dad is rich asf and have 4 kids and have a mother and a father and all that crap, i realize that i hate it when people are so blind sided in happyness they dont see the dark that is going on, back to this teacher thing shes so freaken happy walking like everything is all good like when some kid could be thinking of running away or blowing there brains out people dont freaken see how damn hard it is to lose so much my dad doesnt even think about what i go thru and think its all fine and dandy sometimes and/or tells me that i am  not doing this not doing that or why am i doing this instead of that i understand im all my dad has left but its making me so angrey sometime i just flip, now think of the preasure this puts on me and this is just the have of it

Mom left me
brother Left me
Dad dated and got maried and i finaly had a brother and a sister
My step mom was a drugy and a achaholic
I littaly caried her up the stairs adleast once a week
my dad got divorced and asked me if he should and at the time i was angrey at me brother and i said yes
my brother and sister left and it was just me and my dad
Then my dad found a friend and then This kid named emit came into our lives he was a year older then me and i thoght i had a brother then 5 months down the road his real parents came back and picked him up and never herd from him again
About 2 years down the road me and my dad moved to st gorege i lost all of my friends wich was actully just 2 i was fat so not very many people liked me in collorato, so we moved and i had to make knew friends and i made 1 but he wasnt a good friend he was only friends with me just to punch me and boost his ego, in 7th grade my dad stoped smoking and got harsh like yelled alot and i got grounded so much for doing nothing so i turned emo embraced the colour black and thats all i wor.
I lost that friend i had and the girl i loved with everythiong i had i loved her i wouldve  maried her any point but she moved and i had no friends, so i finaly found a friend named sherman and he was probly the best friend i ever had and then i met taylor and that led to allan and thing turned up i had a resent break i was cleaning something pissed me off and i just thru kicked and puched everthing but im all good for right now. So ya sorry for a long chapter and not writeing for so long. 

Dont feel bad im here, as of right now im not planing on leaving.