Yes, I do regret. Obviously I do. Sometimes when we walk down the street, hand in hand, girls pass us. She always holds my hand tighter as soon as she spots them. It makes me want to stop in the middle of the street, hug her and apologize all over again. To be honest it's very difficult. Both of us can't get over it. But we both accepted that it'll take time to gain trust again. To build a stable relationship.
However we are optimistic. As long as we're together happily, all the time in the world is worth it.
It was obvious that she was hiding that worry of me cheating again. Somehow it was destined to happen that we would be confronted by a misunderstanding. I told my mum about it and what she said comforted me.
It had to happen. A burden fell off with that. Now she knew that I wasn't cheating on her.
And I never will again. She's my everything. Real love is scary. That's why I was so afraid to get closer to her. The power she has over me is unimaginable. Literally, I would do everything for her. As long as she's happy, I'm the luckiest man in the world.
Since it's going to be rough the first months, I'm trying my hardest to show her all my love. She seems pleased with it, and even though I stay up till midnight for her presents, her smile makes my eye bags disappear.
For a second I was afraid I would lose her. That moment when Krystal knocked on my door I was afraid I was cheating on her again. Even though I would have never really cheated on her, even talking to Krystal felt like cheating.
Now in my eyes, Krystal seemed very different. She used to be my escape. My source of 'happiness'. Never did I realise that I was trapped. And whenever I passed a mirror I couldn't see myself. In my dreams I was always hunted by the moment on the six months anniversary.
You're allowed to break up with me.
Her present. My vision got blurry when she suddenly ran away. At first I couldn't move my feet. In general my body felt paralysed. This moment definitely has left a mark on me. My heart was broken into a million pieces, it felt so wrong. But I couldn't make myself realise that. At that moment Krystal had me in her claws already, making me insecure about my feelings.
I ran to her, she had locked herself in the bathroom. My mind wasn't really working there. Looking back it feels as if I was drunk. No possibility of me being able to control myself. And that was expressed by my anger. I kicked against the door, cursed loudly not thinking about the fact that I was scaring her.
When she finally opened the door the only thing I seeked were her arms. I wanted to cry my heart out, tell her how confused I was. When she was telling me that she loved me, I wanted to say it back. But I couldn't. And I don't understand why. What I understand is that I hate myself for that.
Now I'm not chased by nightmares anymore. This might sound extremely cliché, but nightmares only appear when I don't sleep next to her. Luckily they're not as terrifying anymore, but still I see her crying in my nightmares. The worst nightmare I had since we're back together was me kissing Krystal while she was laying on the ground beside us. Whenever I tried to get away from Krystal and tried to bend down to her, cold hands prevented me from doing so.
When Krystal paid me a visit she tried to take my hands. Her hands were extremely cold. That's how I knew that it must've been her in my dream, preventing me from escaping.
I told Krystal how sorry I was for everything that had happened. But I also told her the truth, that I've always loved her and not Krystal. She was laughing at that, making fun of me. I couldn't help myself but roll my eyes. Maybe I went a bit too far telling her she should look for a psychologist. But of course I was right. Krystal wants to stand above everyone, she wants everyone to obey her. She has a plan, and everyone has to adjust to that plan. No exceptions.
After I had told her that I was happy now, and she could become happy by moving on too (I mean obviously we weren't destined for each other), she let out her anger by destroying my apartment. Maybe this was the final moment she had finally realised that there was no going back. However when she closed the door I felt relieved but also weak. Not only because she had slapped me but also because it cost me so much energy to hold a conversation with her.
However, I'm relieved. And the girl laying next to me right now is relieved too. Her steady breathing is calming me down. I put her closer to me and earn a little smile from her lips. Even though I'm disturbing her precious sleep I can't help myself but leave a little peck on her lips.
Never will I ever let the most precious human in my life leave so easily again. Just like right now I want to and I will continue to hold her close. Not only because I love being with her, smelling her, kissing her, making love to her, hugging her. It's rather that I'm sure, and my mum is too, that this girl was sent from God to me. She's my soulmate and I want to grow old with her and live with her until I die.
I'm lucky and grateful. Lucky because I got her back, grateful for our past which has taught us a lot.
Even though it's seems too easy for me, the best way to describe my feelings towards her are these three little words.
I love her.
Author'snote:
Howdy!!!!♡♡ lol idk
I want to finish this story by the weekend (since I have to put all my focus on school then), that's why I'm hurrying up now... still I'm trying hard to make the content good!! I know that this is a filler chapter however I thought it was important to show Taehyung's character a bit more since he was pretty confusing very often lol
Next chapter = last chapter *cries* But I'll try to make it super long and super good omg I'm pressured lol
Thank you SO MUCH for reading, voting & commenting!!! ♡♡♡♡
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