Remembrance

Ch. 3

Suou wrapped herself in the blanket Hei had given her when she said she was cold. She didn't want to be wrapped in the blanket; she wanted to be wrapped in Hei's arms. She stared angrily at the floor as Hei brought her out a pillow and another blanket.

"Go to sleep, Suou" he told her, flicking the light off. He turned and disappeared in the darkness of the short hallway. Suou became increasingly angry, her fists clenched. She leapt up off the couch and ran after him.

"Hei!" she called. He turned to face her. They could barely make out the shapes of each other in the lightless hallway. They were both quiet, an eerie silence Hei wanted to fill with his love for her.

"What?" he asked apathetically.

"I- If you don't want to deal with your feelings for me then that's fine! But I think I at least deserve an explanation" Suou shouted. Hei felt his face get hot.

"My feelings for you don't matter. You won't feel this way once I leave. It's best that you forget about me, Suou."

"H-how can you say that?! You say you love me! How does that not matter?!" Suou shook with emotion as she yelled at Hei in the blackness of night.

"There are much better things waiting for you. I cannot make you happy, Suou, you deserve better." Hei's voice was smooth, even though he felt his palms sweating and his heart thumping in his chest.

"T-that's selfish!" she screamed. He smacked her. He'd snapped, raising his hand without thinking and slapping Suou's cheek.

Upon feeling the sharp pain, Suou's hand rose to her face. Then she felt weak, as a sense of dejavu replaced the pain. In her memory, she saw Hei wearing a hat, his face unshaven. They were in a pink room. She got the feeling he'd just hit her. She leeched onto the memory, remembering the jacket Hei wore, the way his eyes looked, unforgiving and sad beyond comprehension. "Hei," she whimpered, falling to the floor in tears, "I think you look better without the beard." Suou chuckled slightly. Hei stood back from her, shocked at what he'd done and at what she'd said. He knew she was remembering.

Hei regained his composure, then began to turn away from her, walking towards the door at the end of the hall.

"Go to sleep, Suou" he repeated. She didn't stand up, didn't move from her position on the hallway carpet. Hei paused, waiting for her to get up. She sniffled, then stood and walked sunkenly back into the living room.

"I'm sorry, Hei" she said without turning back. Suou folded the white blanket she'd kept around her shoulders during their encounter in the hallway. She left it on the couch, bathed in moonlight. The front door creaked open then shut. Suou began to walk down the steps to the street. She hoped she knew how to get home from where she was.

"Suou" Hei said, suddenly standing before her, "Where are you going?" She tried to push around him, but he stopped her, grasping her shoulders. She looked up at him, her eyes empty and swollen. She struggled slightly against his grasp. He pulled her to him.

"I'm sorry, Suou." Hei said. Suou, still mad and very tired, did not hug him back.

"It's okay, Hei" she said.

"You can't leave now: it's too late. I'll take you back first thing in the morning if you want. For now, we should both get some sleep."

Suou nodded, unsure of what else to do. He let her go, looking in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. We can figure this out... I don't..." Hei spoke softly at first, then he seemed strained and looked away from Suou.

"What?" Suou asked, her eyes seeming to light up, perhaps with the moon's glow.

"I don't want to be alone either."

Suou stared at him, his figure illuminated. She loved him; she loved him so much. She embraced him, tightly wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You don't have to be. I love you" she said into his shirt.

"I love you too, Suou" Hei lifted her into his arms, her head resting on his shoulder as he carried her back inside.

Suou stood at the end of the hallway, the white blanket again wrapped around her shoulders. Hei had kissed her forehead and told her goodnight, then he had evaporated into the dark hallway once again. She followed him, peering around the door to see him taking off his overshirt. She blushed. He folded his coat, set it on the chair then sat quietly on the bed.

"Come in, Suou" he said, smiling slightly. Suou shied away from the light, attempting to hide in the shadows of the hallway. Hei turned off the light in his room. Suou sighed with relief, slinking down against the wall. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her waist and a warm presence behind her. She shrieked and a hand came over her mouth.

"Shh" Hei breathed into her ear. She instantly relaxed. Her body leaned against his. Her cheeks were hot. Suou grabbed Hei's hands which were resting on her stomach. She gently moved her fingers along his skin. She felt strange, like she was craving him, like they could never be close enough.

"Suou," Hei said, just as suddenly as he had appeared behind her, "We need to talk about this." Suou sighed with the acknowledgement of reality.

"I still want an explanation" she said.

"I know. Come lie down with me; we can talk." Suou nodded then followed Hei into his room, leaving the white blanket on the hallway floor.