Ruby

12.

 It was within a month after she showed me her cliff that I lost her. The girl with the giant sweaters and thick, green book. The girl that sat at the very back of the bus. The girl who spent her lunch period sitting under the bleachers, reading, listening to music, always admiring the sky. The girl I adored. The girl who gave me the truest happiness I had ever known.

She loved to tell me stories. Stories of the places she dreamed to visit and she wished to see. How she pictured her future could be anywhere in the world. She would always tell me of her dreams. Her dreams of growing long, pure white wings and soaring through the sky above the tallest trees, the widest oceans, and the coldest mountains. She would tell me she could feel the breeze running towards her, music playing in the wind. Abandoning the everyday routines of her life. The sense of being free that she only felt for a short while.

The cliff, the one she brought me to see and experience, eventually became our place. The place we went to escape together. But now it is a place to remember of our escaping. A place to remember her small giggles and gentle voice. A place to remember how our hands were never able to become untangled. But it will forever be our place. Our place brought to us through the dark.

And only sometimes do I go there to picture what we would be like now. What if we didn't have to live our forever through memories? What if we could live our forever creating more and more memories? Memories that didn't have to be the only way I could remember her. Some days it would become unbearable, but I survived.

She was so beautiful. Not just how she looked, but in the way she was always eager to share her thoughts with me, most of the time she contradicted me, opening my mind to all new things and ways to believe. It was so unbelievable to think no one cared to listen to her thoughts and opinions all day. She was constantly interrupting my sentences, but I didn't mind because hearing her voice was all I needed to keep me from growing agitated.

But now, she is gone. And all I have is our memories to keep me sane and live through another day.

That is the thing about loosing someone. You could never see it coming. It could happen unexpectedly. An accident or a disease that you have to watch slowly take over them, but it will always end the same. The pain will be unbearable but gradually we adapt to living and find ways to cope. We begin to accept that they are gone and cherish everything they once were. But we don't forget. You don't forget a person who was in your life. We all just accept. But no matter how it happens, the hurt and pain is all the same.

Losing Ruby hurt like hell. My days passed by in a blur, unsure if it was even worth it.

She did not go suddenly, I watched her go by everyday with the pain slowly taking over her. The last week she was going in and out of sleep. The last day she didn't speak any words, she never even opened her eyes. I couldn't see her grey, stormy eyes and I couldn't hear her beautiful voice. I didn't know the last day I saw her eyes and heard her voice would be the last time ever.

I guess some of us aren't meant to stick around for long. She was too good, I know she was. She was too good for me, but I needed her. I needed her words, her thoughts.

I wonder if her soul still lives, flying high above trees, like she dreamed of. Or maybe she wandered the streets of New York, observing the life like she always wanted to. I hope she is out there, I need her to be. She wanted to do so much more.

But wherever she is, I'll never forget her, and never will I lose the things she taught me and the stories she loved to tell.

People walk in and out of our lives, some leave willingly and some have no choice, some stay longer than others, and some leave a permanent marking on us, forever staying within our thoughts. And even though she physically did not stay long, she still managed to stay forever with me. I will never forget any part of her. She will never fade.

She was the girl I would always admire everyday. The girl who had so little, but did whatever she could to get to the places she wanted to be.

She was so different, completely unlike anyone I had ever come across in my entire life. If you ever meet someone just as amazing as her, take in every moment and appreciate them.

Ruby will always have my heart.