New Life

18|It's All My Fault

"Janet, baby listen to me..." Jermaine says using his thumb to wipe a fallen tear from her cheek. "I don't hate you. You shouldn't ever think I'd hate you for something, especially if you can't control it. I love you no matter what. Calm down..."

"You're not angry?"

"Not at you, I'm mad at the other diver." He says telling the truth.

"If I hadn't been stressing about this custody thing and running into Rene at dinner...I'm pretty su-"

Jermaine cuts Janet off. "Did you just say you ran into Rene?!" Taking her silence as confirmation Jermaine continues. "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"And just how was I going to do that? She doesn't even know about this and then I found her going to cut the picture..." Janet pauses to control her emotions. "This is my thing Jermaine, I'm supposed to protect her not you." 

"I get it but you have to tell me things so I can help you protect her too cause I love her just like she's my own daughter." 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, it's just that I know the things he's capable of. But how's my Bumble Bee?"

"Dr. Brooks said she's fine but she refuses to say anything. I told her she had to tell me what the problem was so I could fix it and she said she wanted you and then cried for thirty minutes before falling asleep..."

"Poor thing, she must be terrified." Janet scoots over making space in the bed. "Put her down next to me cause she has to be heavy sleeping like that."

Jermaine puts Breaunna on the bed, well he tries to, she tightens her grip around his neck. "Mommy... Wake up," she mumbles.

Janet pries Breaunna hands from around Jermaine's neck and she opens her eyes a little. She had cried so much her eyes were a little puffy and Janet could see the marks from the dried tears on her face.

"Breaunna. Hey baby girl." 

"Mommy, you woke up!" opening her eyes she smiles at Janet, "Where's Zoë, daddy?"

"Who's Zoë?"

"The lady who took me out the car." 

"You fell asleep but she had to go home before she got in trouble with her mom."

"Well, why was Zoë here?" Janet asks confused.

"She pulled her out of the car after some guy just tried to grab her and Breaunna didn't let her go. Zoë even had to ask me what Breaunna's name was cause she wouldn't talk to her. I guess it's a good thing Breaunna called me when you were unconscious..."

"When are we going home?" Breaunna asks.

"Well, you and daddy are going to go home tonight but I have to stay here until tomorrow." 

"But I don't wanna go home without you..." Breaunna whines.

"It's okay how about you and daddy stay and keep me company for a while and go home later. "

Sighing Breaunna agrees, "Okay.'

Janet and Breaunna got a little more comfortable in the bed as Jermaine turned on the tv. As Breaunna watched the television Janet smoothed Breaunna's hair, happy that she was okay. In the back of her mind, Janet still blamed herself then something came to her. What if the accident wasn't really an accident and that person meant to hit them. Looking down at Breaunna as her eyes became heavy with sleep she kissed the top of her head.

"Go to sleep baby, I love you," Janet said in her ear, still smoothing her hair.

After Breaunna slept with Janet for a while, Jermaine kissed Janet goodnight and took Breaunna home. After they left, a nurse came in and gave Janet her pain medication for the night and left her to get some rest. As the medication started to kick in Janet became comfortable enough to doze off to sleep, hopefully, her sleep wouldn't be as tortured as the day she'd just had. 

**

I opened my eyes to a bright fluorescent light and walls covered in light pink paint. I hear somebody sniffle as I look at a figure in the window, struggling to figure out who it is I lift my hand to my eyes trying to clear my vision.

"Rebbie" I croak, finally able to recognize who it was. Rebbie is the sibling I'm connected to in a different way than the others. She's the only other person who knows what's going on with me. "What's wrong? Is my baby okay?" I question while using my hand to touch my belly, feeling for the pudge I'd just began to develop.

"Jo, you almost lost the baby... What if he'd hurt you?!" Deep down I knew she was right. That was the very first time he'd ever put his hands on me.

**

"Bitch! Didn't I tell you to get rid of it?!" His eyes blazed with anger as he looked down at me. Pushing me into the hall he grabbed my arms.

I wanted to answer him but I was too afraid. I just couldn't get rid of my baby, I loved him or her already. When I didn't say anything he tightened his grip on my arms.

"Ow, that hurts, stop." he didn't stop, rather, he tightened his grip. The pain on my face had to be evident, but he still wouldn't let go. "Let me go." I pleaded trying to hold back tears.

"Who the fuck told you to keep it?" He questioned. I opened my mouth but stood there quiet unable to form an excuse that would at least get me away from whatever was about to happen. I squirmed, trying to free myself from his embrace. He'd never put his hands on me before and even though he wasn't hitting me, he was still hurting me.

"Please stop." I pleaded with tears running down my cheek. In return, he slammed me into the wall.

"Answer me" he growled. Upon realizing that either I couldn't or wouldn't answer he pushed me down the stair landing.

The last thing I remembered was him, towering over me glaring down at me with black eyes. I'm not even sure he was still the same person. I guess though, the man I fell in love with, married and was carrying a baby for had been long gone.

**

Janet sat up in bed with the same pain she had almost eight years ago. This time, Rebbie wasn't looking out the window and she had lost the baby; for a different reason. Slowly laying back she buzzed the nurse for some more medicine and counted down the time she would have to wait for Jermaine and Breaunna to come to her. Having that dream made Janet realize that she had to tell Breaunna about Rene wanting custody and explaining what may have to happen.