What's On The Inside Matters

Chapter 5

3rd Person POV:

He rushed out of the room the second Germany called break. He didn't want to be comforted. America didn't even want to have attention in the first place. America is rather good at hiding so he wasn't found right away, sure he heard their called, but he paid no attention. He recognized Canada's voice desperately searching for him. He didn't care. Eventually he walked out in the open and went back to the room. He felt everyone's eyes on him and he just moved over to his seat. Japan cleared his throat and skimmed over the next one. He looked at America with a worried expression

"Japan? Ve~ Are you alright?" He nodded and read it.

"Hai... This one is America-san's...

Dear Diary, Today I was badly wounded in battle. My boss told me to pull out of the fight, but I couldn't do that. I got in this to protect what I love, and I won't give up now. Even if I die, I will keep pushing forward, because I'm the hero! There's also no other way. I have to do it. If I don't, how could I rest knowing there might not be anyone else who will?"

"How bad were you injured America-san?"

"Umm, stitches over my eye, dislocated shoulder, cuts everywhere, bruises everywhere as well, umm, I also got shot near the heart and in the leg, but they fixed that... So yeah..." he said while shrinking into his chair.

"You git! You could have bloody died!"

"Oi, Mathieu and I would have been very worried and upset!!!" Matthew walked over to Alfred and hugged him. That caused him to blush even more. The others' knew he was stubborn, but to what extent would it stretch to?

"Let's continue, da?" Russia said from his seat.

"H-Hai... This one is a statement...

The loneliest people are the KINDEST. The saddest people smile the BRIGHTEST. The most damaged people are the WISEST. ALL because they don't wish to see anyone else suffer the way they did." The countries that related to this glanced nervously around the room.

"I will read next Japan." England said while shifting in his seat.

"Hai." Japan said while handing him the book.

"This one is, mine...

Dear diary, I think I may invite Germany over for another game of football this Christmas." He stated in a firm voice. Nobody spoke so he continued.

"Oh come on! This is another bloody one of mine!" He huffed.

"C'mon Artie, just read. How many of mine have there been?" America said in a sarcastic tone.

"Fine, and its England, you bloody git.

Dear diary, everyone's always going on about how powerful Rome was; they all forget that my empire was actually bigger than Rome's. I wish people would see me as the powerful nation I was, not the stuck up twat who can't cook." England finished and glanced nervously around the room.

"We choose not to bring up your empire because we don't want to hurt you with the fact that the British Empire is gone." Canada said, and England nodded his gratitude.

"The next one is Germany's,

Dear diary, while I seem angry when other nations make jokes about me, whether it be my own personality or history, I don't actually want them to stop. I just wish I could laugh along with them and not have to seem like I take it so personally. But I am stuck in my ways, I suppose. I am just glad thy still think of me, to be honest." Germany was blushing and Italy was hugging his arm.

"Dude, you can totally smile at meetings, you just keep everything in order and we're all thankful for that." America stated matter-of-factly.

"This one is another one of mine.

Dear diary, Believe it or not, America has actually become quite strong over the years... I know the rest of the Allies are actually thankful for him going into World War II, we just haven't shown him our appreciation. Maybe, one day, when he's not acting like an idiot, we'll throw him a hero party..." England barely finished when he was hugged tightly. He looked to his left and saw America hugging him. He broke away and sat back down in his seat. England was blushing and continued reading.

England's POV:

"T-The next one is Russia's,

Dear diary, I only wanted friends. Am I doing something wrong? The Baltics seem scared of me, the Nordics avoid me. Why? It hurts so much to be cold and alone..."

I trailed off at the end and looked in Russia's direction. America was over there talking to him without any fear. HOW DID HE MOVE SO QUICKLY? HE IS IN HIS SEAT ACROSS THE TABLE ONE MINUTE AGO, AND NOW HE IS OVER THERE! HOW? Russia looked at America and engulfed him in a hug. Once they were done China hugged him. Russia was smiling, not the creepy child-like smile, no, it was a genuine smile. That made me wonder what America said to make him so happy... I cleared my throat and continued reading.

"I think this one is America's...

Drinking match with Russia!

Eveyrbody so fuckin NOOB they drunk them ass out. Lef only me n ruski so we hav a roud 2 c if who da 1st ta nock out is a ho. Don't chalent da hero!!" I struggled to read, and looked at America, who was laughing on the ground.

"Dude! I was so drunk!"

"Yes, indeed you were, this entry is another one of yours.

Dear diary, I've just realized how special England really is to me. He's the only one who sits and watches horror movies with me and who pats my back when I tremble at the monsters. He's the only one who offers a tissue to me when I randomly cough up blood at a World Meeting. But what really had me, was the fact that only hi smile has the power to make my heart stop completely then restart itself." I was blushing after and so was America, who was back in his seat.

"I think it is time for a break, da?" Russia said while looking at the blushing superpower.

"Yes, right..." I said as I rushed out of the room.

Russia's POV:

As England rushed out of the room all of the countries followed, leaving America and I. He looked at me and offered a cheerful smile.

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, I know how being alone and cold feels like. Now that my mask is down I may as well explain a few things, just please don't tell ANYONE." He said in a tone I could not describe well. Fear? Betrayal? Sadness? Where was the happiness? And what was this 'mask'?

"I promise not to tell anyone." I said.

"Thanks dude. Anyways, the real me isn't who you may think is like. The real me is depressed, lonely, afraid, and betrayed. My happy aura and smile is all fake. In fact, the real me is never happy." He said while wearing a neutral expression. How would I respond? He just admitted his some of his deepest secrets to me, how do I answer?

"So this whole time, you were never happy?" I started cautiously.

"Yep. Every comment everyone made was breaking me on the inside, this all should be cleared in further diary entries. And just so you know, I hate only three people in this world." He said while walking to the door and opening it.

"And who may they be?" I asked while watching him.

"Me, Myself, and I."

He said while leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I stared at the door in disbelief. America hated himself? And he admitted it to ME of all people? Why? How did we all not notice the mask he had? My memories trailed back to the World Meetings. He was smiling and looked happy. I looked at him and noticed the smile didn't reach his eyes. My mind trailed back further and every time he smiled, it never reached his eyes. Every comment regarding his faults made his smile drop for half a millisecond, and his eyes got darker with pain. I felt tears well up in my eyes as I realized he was similar to me. He was never truly happy, he always felt cold and alone, and he felt as if he didn't belong in the world.

How did we not notice the hurting superpower before?