Just A Game ♡ Ziall

Chapter 2: The Journal

Zayn’s POV

                It had been two weeks since my arrival at UCLA. Two weeks since I had last seen Niall – although, he seemed to be on my mind twenty-four seven since that moment. No matter what I did to try and shake him from my thoughts, he seemed to wander back in. I felt like there was a constant knot in my throat. The anticipation leading up to the next time our paths would cross was so overwhelming to the point where my roommate, Harry, had noticed a change in me.

                “Zayn, what’s got you down mate?” Harry asked, propping himself up on his elbows as he stared up at me from his textbook.

                I slowly swiveled around to meet the curly haired boy in front of me and let a sigh pass my lips, “It’s nothing…”

                “That’s such bullshit, you’ve been sulking around the room for the past week. Are you already stressed about your classes?”

                Oh, I wished it would have been that simple. “No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just that… you promise you won’t tell anyone?”

                There was a glimmer of curiosity in Harry’s eyes and he nodded his head in reply, biting down on his lip to suppress his anxiousness. “I promise, scout’s honor.” With a smile Harry held up his fingers in mock salute of a boy scout.

                “Well…” My words trailed off for a moment as I ran my fingers through my hair in a nervous manner. “The other day I happened to run into someone from my old college, someone that I used to have a thing for. I guess when I saw him again my feelings sparked up for him again, even though they shouldn’t have.”

                Harry stared at me with wide eyes, like a child who was intently enjoying a story that was being told to them. It made me wonder what was going through the boy’s mind at this very moment. Hopefully he wasn’t judging me—or if he was, I would hope that he wouldn’t say anything about it. I had been giving myself enough grief over the whole situation already. I didn’t need someone else contributing to that. It took a few moments for Harry’s face to display any sort of emotion—in the end there was a look of happiness on his face.

                “Well, I know this might sound corny but maybe you guys were brought back together for a reason. Maybe you let things unfinished?” Harry gave his broad shoulders a shrug before turning his gaze back down towards his book. “What do you have to lose by finding out?”

                What did I have to lose? My dignity, my hope, my dreams—nothing major. Chances are… I was just overreacting as usual. Harry was right, I needed to grow a pair and see if there was a possibility that Niall and I could be something more than what we had been in high school.

                “I’m gonna head out,” I announced as I slowly rose up from the desk headed towards the door. As I exited the dorm I could hear the soft reply from Harry, telling me ‘good luck’. I was definitely going to need all the luck I could get in this situation.

Niall’s POV

                You know how movies and television show kids at college drunk on their asses and having the greatest time of their life? So far, my college experience had been exact representation of that. I had everything that I could have ever asked for, a fraternity and brothers that knew how to have a good time. I felt like I was on top of the world. But, there was something that was missing—but I wasn’t exactly sure what that thing was. I had had felt this strange feeling ever since I had ran into that Malik kid.

                I mean… what was so special about him? I wouldn’t have even given him a second thought back in high school but now it seemed that he occupied my mind whenever I was sober. It was both terrifying and frustrating at the same time. In order to distract myself, I decided to head to the campus coffee shop with Liam—he always seemed to know how to get everyone to focus on what was truly important.

                When we entered the coffee shop, we took a seat at this tiny table by the window. Liam must have noticed the dazed look on my face as we sat down because he began to wave his hand in front of my face.

                “Hello! Earth to Niall! What’s going on inside that head of yours? You look positively stoned. Did someone back at the house give you something?” He chuckled softly as he shook his head in amusement.

                “No, I’ve just been sort of out of it lately.”

                “Is it because of that Zayn kid?”

                Automatically, my muscles began to tense up at the mention of his name. I felt my stomach begin to churn as I scanned over Liam’s face. Did he know something that I didn’t? Did Zayn talk to him about our past?

                “Uh, no… why would you think that?”

                Liam gave his shoulders a shrug as he glanced over at the counter, checking out the barista. “No reason, it just seemed like you guys knew each other. I got this weird vibe when I saw you guys talking earlier.”

                Should I even bother telling him the truth? He was supposed to be my brother, to stand by me no matter what shit I seemed to get myself into. “It’s just that, Zayn used to have a crush on me. He doesn’t know that I know… but back at our old college, I found this journal of his. Inside there was a lot of shit about his feelings for me and wondering if he would ever be good enough.”

                Liam’s face was like a stone as he listened, it soon cracked as he began to burst into laughter. “Do you still have this journal by any chance?”

                Even though I knew I should have said ‘no’ in this moment, I decided to be truthful for once in my life. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

                Liam began to rub his hands together. It was a sign that he had something in mind. “How about for your first pledge task, you have to show the whole school this little journal of Zaynie’s.”

                My eyes widened slightly and I quickly lowered my gaze in order to hide the look of shock that was upon my face. I had done some pretty fucked up stuff to the guy in the past, but nothing quite like this. I’m not even sure I could bring myself to do such a thing. But, on the other hand—I couldn’t refuse Liam without risking my chances of being a part of Delta Sigma Phi. This was my one chance to make something of myself at college.

                “I’ll do it,” The words slipped from my mouth before I could even think about it.

                A smirk spread across Liam’s lips as he gave me a ‘well done’ pat on the back. It all made me feel sick to my stomach.