Only a Chance

Chapter Three

He spoke softly; barely a whisper. "What did you write?" But malice and scorn still drips from every word, his voice is filled with venom. I flinch; I honestly would have preferred him yelling. "You can read." I retorted angrily, even though fear was shaking me to the core. He approached me, clearly thinking. His breath was suddenly in my ear. "I can't think of a punishment bad enough for you Amberly. But the 'devil' is sending you straight out of his classroom, and straight out of those doors. See you in hell." He said through bared teeth. "I don't even care. You know what the worst punishment is? Being stuck in this classroom with you." I poked my finger right in his chubby face."So think of it like this. You're not firing me. I quit." I walked to my desk and grabbed my book bag, smiling. "Bye, devil." Then I waved at my ex-classmates and strolled out of that classroom. I had secretly always planned the day I would leave, and that had been PERFECT. But while I had been somewhat composed in there, I was now freaking out and having a nervous breakdown. I didn't know where to go. I did not want to confront my mom about this! She had paid tons to get me here. I ran to the bathroom, where I rinsed my face off. My mascara ran down my cheeks in a steady stream, but I didn't care. "Time to pack up and move away." I joked under my breath. Until I realized it wasn't such a bad idea. Not even half bad, I thought. But then the impossibility of running away struck me hard. "No way." I muttered airily. "I'm not leaving my family like that." I suddenly came to a realization that almost sent me to my knees in frustrated tears. I couldn't keep a tiny quivering voice in my mind from whispering "But Amber, what good has your family done you?" I swallowed. I had never felt so alone and sick of everything; dealing with my dad dying five months ago at the hands of cancer, arguing with teachers, holding the loose patches of my family together. I had a little brother and sister;Dean and Merida, and practically a shadow for a mom. She was almost always invisible in my eyes, and quiet. She was tired, but so was I! Who had to get Dean and Merida ready for school, cook their meals, away their clothes, check into their lives, and attend school events? I gripped the wall, using it to stabilize myself. My own mother had no clue how tough this had been on me. My father had been a great man;smart, funny, handsome, and down to earth. He had loved us all so much. I had been 'daddy's little girl' I thought bitterly. I sank to the bathroom floor, my face in my hands. I had cherished going places with him, tagging along with him to his work or to grab ice cream. We were happy then, all of us. My mother had laughed and joked. She had been beautiful then. Its amazing how quickly life as you know it changes. She now has streaks of gray in her hair, she never smiles, the circles under her eyes are caused by her waking up screaming, she drinks, and she even bursts into random fits of painful tears sometimes. While it makes me crazy to see her like this, and causes me to pull out my hair, I'm even worse on the inside, because I had to toughen up, push all my emotion down, and care for Dean and Merida, who are confused and sad. I kept everyone at a distance; relatives with mournful expressions and comforting words, peers, and even friends. I had been forced to throw my life away and leave the mess behind. For the first time in five months, the reality and seriousness of the tragedy winded me. In my solitude, I allowed myself to cry. This was to much for me to take on, for my shoulders to hold alone. I had made my decision.