My B+ Short Stories

Snow

This one I like a little better. The theme for this was 'Lost and Found', and I based this story off a Doctor Who episode - 'The Idiot's Lantern'. This was my first attempt writing in first person, and so isn't as good as I'd like it to be, but I'm still pretty proud of it.  It's a little shorter, because it was written last year when we were allowed one hundred words less. Feedback is written underneath.

I stand alone in my bedroom, the snow falling gently outside the window. The night is still. Suddenly there is a flash of lightning, out of place in the otherwise calm sky. The world is spinning, and I am falling. Soon I can see that I am no longer in my own home.

The walls have dematerialized, and the glossy wooden planks beneath my feet have been transformed into vast expanses of sand and dry earth. It's so hot. I reach into my pocket and pull out a hair tie, pulling my long hair up off my neck. There must be some way to escape the overwhelming heat, consuming me, making it hard for me to think.

The soft ground suddenly feels more solid, and I look down to see a stone path, stretching out further than the horizon. I take a tentative step, and nothing happens, except I move forwards a little way. Perhaps I am not hallucinating after all. I take another step, then two, then three, and then suddenly I am nearing a large, rusty metal structure. It is egg-shaped and stands about fifty metres tall. There is a shiny silver door in the base, contrasting the orange rust dominating the rest of the shape.

I try the door. It swings open and I step inside.

Something cold and wet hits my head. It's raining. I look up, but instead of seeing the inside of the egg, storm clouds fill the grey-blue sky. The path is still there, but on either side of it is thick green grass. I still can't see where the path ends; it still seems to stretch on forever. I still don't know where it leads, or how long it goes for, but it's my only hope of escaping, of getting back to my comfortable home. Oh, how I wish I could be tucked up in my bed, asleep.

There is a clap of thunder, and the light drizzle turns to pouring rain. The noise is deafening. I rip a large leaf off a tree and hold it over my head, racing up the path, hoping to find another egg-shaped building before I get soaked through.

I walk for hours, but I still haven't found anything of importance, and dusk is swiftly approaching. The rain has ceased, but the sun is dipping below the horizon. I need to rest. I can't find shelter, so I just settle on the grass and close my eyes.

When I wake, it is still dark. I must have only slept for a few hours. Rubbing my eyes, I am surprised to see snow, falling so thickly that all I can see is the snow and the blackness. My mind is fuzzy - I cannot think, and there is a sort of buzzing in the air that does not seem to come from any particular place, it is just everywhere, eclipsing every other sound. The buzzing grows louder, and then it stops. The snow vanishes, and there is only the darkness left. No sound, no light, nothing.

In the Radcliffe's living room, the new box set flicked off. Hugh Radcliffe tossed the remote onto the couch. "Blasted television's done it again!"

If anyone didn't get the ending, the idea was that the character was on a television show, but they didn't realize it. The snow in the second last paragraph was meant to be the static or 'snow' that sometimes happens on old TVs. My teacher said that she liked this one, but that she thought the character wasn't developed enough throughout the story. I was expecting this, as it was my first time writing in first person. I quite enjoyed it, but it was definitely a challenge!