phan // 365 notes ✓

Final Note

it's been two months. how yall doing? good? amazing? well imma change your mood cause ta-daaah anewchapterinforeversorryittookaverylongtimehahahaaa

yep

i got nothing to say now until later when you finish so ill leave you to iiiit

prepare for a (pretty) long chapter

tw; depression, minor mention of suicide, minor mention of character death

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Phil finished writing the 61st note, the paper already soaked from his tears. Similar to the other notes, one can see excess of wetness decrorated onto the paper. It made each notes instantly recognizable that the writer was crying at a colossal amount. He shouldn't be crying. Any tears rejected out shouldn't be worth to do a feeble action but towards a rather important subject, he wondered why his family and friends considered him strong.

I love you. I, l-o-v-e, y-o-u. Three words. 8 letters, not including the space between them of course. I: To call yourself. Love: many definitions, mostly to delineate a warm personal attachment or deep affection towards someone. You: a person referring to other than the subject of 'I'.

Funny. The concept of love was funny to him. Every night, the voice repeats equivalent to a broken record. On and on and on, the latest being the loudest and the level of serenity proved to be false with all the commitment mirages. In all honestly, he hated it. Love was too strong for him to comprehend. Perhaps it was because he was young back then. Understanding such complexity caused the brain to envisage any future whatsoever.

It made his stomach churned just from thinking about that word or the past. It was true those were memories he should forever keep, but then again, memories were meant to be forgotten as time passed by so he did a good job in keeping the commemorations in a memory bank. Lock and chained, a strong barrier that was unable to open even to the slightest of triggers.

Phil didn't know why this was a good idea. It was obvious enough that he still has those undeniable feelings for the brunette yet how should he know they were to break up again? He was perfectly fine just as long as they were still the best friends they were; being platonic as always in camera and often out of it. But the day, Dan brought her home, everything crumbled down.

She was rather nice, don't get him wrong, but the fact that he was also friends with her, was a bit off. Phil had to go through the trauma of her always coming over and being close to Dan. There was this one time he recalled clearly, and that he wanted to be wiped off, where the two friends were watching a movie together. He thought it was just them, chuckling loud enough their neighbours would hear and often getting weirded out by the film, because apparently the movies Phil picked out were to be described as that. But the sudden doorbell took him aback. She stood at the doorway with her short pastel-like hair fitting the shape of her face and eyes shimmering from being able to hang out with his best friend. And just his.

Yeah, Phil was jealous but that word doesn't even begin with in this situation.

He can feel the glare coming from the female whenever they hung out, like spears that were to poke, or rather impale, him every single time. Honestly, Phil doesn't know what her deal was. It was kind of stupid to act like that. They should just all be friends, laughing at jokes that were said or maybe smile at the thought that everything was okay, but she had other plans, that being to get rid of Phil.

Phil missed it. Phil missed being able to go to Dan's room and inhale his scent as he wakes him up, seeing that smile that was way too familiar for him to even forget the day they met. Phil missed doing the same but at night where nightmares happened. He would always get under his duvet and cuddle with him, Dan rubbing his thumb on his back, drawing circles or even letters that make out words that was supposed to be for him only.