Real life doesn't end happily ever after, it pulls you in different directions, pushing you towards others that can make you happy or hurt you. Either way, life will always beat you brutally.
I don't love him back. I feel as Maureen Johnson wrote, that guilt is a weight that will crush me whether I deserve it or not. How am I enough for not one, but two people? Why am I, someone so worthless, worth it to them? The shame is slowly devouring me from the inside out, and soon there will be nothing of me left to love.
I can't begin to explain the questions that leak throughout the seams of my thoughts, and how it is incredibly stupid that I am in love with someone who's in love with someone else and there are two someones that love me that I don't love back. It's like neglecting an important obligation because you'd rather do something else.
Real life doesn't end in happily ever after, it tears you apart until you have to discover who you are again. It makes you feel feelings, which is rarely enjoyable. I tell myself in the entirety of my waking hours 'River, why do you love someone you don't want to, and why aren't the ones who already do good enough?'. They're certainly good enough, just not my preference. Sometimes I force myself to believe that the one I love just makes me feel worth something, and that my feelings are merely platonic, just exaggerated. I hate it.
It's absurd to believe I fancy one who has no actual qualities that trigger my infatuation but just the mere urge pulls me into feeling this way. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. It compels me to endlessly ramble about the stalker that is Drama when there are so many who are worse off. I am confused, lost, and I will eternally stumble on every twisted, sadistic trick fate flings at me.
Real life doesn't end in happily ever after, it fools you into believing that your life- your thoughts, your feelings, your memories, your actions, your dreams, your future, your past, your present, every single detail that makes you different, that makes everyone else around you not the same, is put together while it threatens to burst.
