Twitter (Harmless social site or mind control epidemic?)

               Twitter was released to the public the July of 2006 as a seemingly harmless social network where you would tell your friends what you are doing. This was lately discovered to be a gross misinterpretation. In the past few months it was discovered that this socially informative website with the small blue bird mascot is planning to take control of its whole 5,000,000,000 (put pinkie to side of mouth and grin) users. The first reactions were by the Americans who decided to declare war on the creators of twitter but then found out that the creators were American themselves so just settled on sewing them. The Americans lost that case because all of them and their lawyers were not intelligent enough to halt their use of twitter and were controlled to drop the case. The next to retaliate were the Chinese who partnered with Japan and tried to hack twitter but once again as soon as they logged on to hack the site they were controlled into stopping. Canada was smart enough to solve their own problem and just soaked all of their internet using devices in maple syrup and if they started to reboot they had assigned the peace keepers to chuck snowballs at them. This only solved the Canadian problem and later on they were attacked by the United States of America and all of the Canadian resources were in use against the restarting blackberries. Luckily the zombie like state that the twitter mind control put them in was so slow and unbalanced that the homeless man at the border accidently tipped one over and all of the rest tripped over him.

            The zombification process starts when a person signs on to twitter after they have logged on for an undisclosed amount of time the twitter administrator my post a coded message telling the victim what they must do. After they log off the code kicks in and they go blank-faced and pale as in the Russians did not notice, until they did not drink that night. After a 60 minutes have passed even the most intelligent minds will bend (it took twitter three minutes to take control of all of America.).

            An overall status on the nations is; china and Japan were put to work on making more twitter use only technology for the rest of the world. They have yet to remember the big red button on the wall that can launch missiles anywhere in America. Americans were last seen playing pinball on their laptops. Note: that was only three of them the rest are in a pile on the America, Canada border. Canada is still basically the same because every time they are attacked the enemy either trips over the American doggy pile or drowns after trying to cross any body of water (including puddles) this is lucky for them because the entire Canadian army yes all two of them are still guarding the internet using devices. Russia was blown up when twitter tried to destroy Switzerland with missile wielding zombies. The rest of the world has yet to communicate so I am unable to report.                                                                By: Ben Kaufman