This Is How I Disappear [Frerard] Oneshot

This Is How I Disappear

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I've never really thought of the ceiling as something complicated until now. Each bump all placed in different spots, some are rough, some are smooth, some are lager than others. They are all different.

Just like Frank was.

Frank was different from every other person I had ever met.

They way the sides of his hair were bleached and the middle was black and long. It was just so different. Not a bad different, a good different.

There was also the way he looked so intimidating but was actually a vegetarian because he didn't like the way they hurt animals.

He was sort, tattooed, funny, had a good taste in music– the list went on.

Frank and I were best friends, even though I always want more than a friendship. I've had a crush on Frank since I was thirteen and loved him since I was sixteen, I'm twenty-four now.

I still love him so much even to this day, but watching him destroy his life hurt me too much. Later in highschool he got into drugs and alcohol and started fucking everything with a heartbeat– except for me.

He became a hopeless addict who had zero control over his life.

Watching him through everything he had in the garbage broke me. It's broke me on such a large extent that I am still shattered. My body is covered in the horizontal scares of him. He didn't physical do them, but he mentally did.

I just want Frank back.

I get out of my bed searching for a blank sheet of lined paper along with a pen and began to write:

Dear friend, family, and whoever else is reading this, it's Gerard.

Gerard Way.

To Mom, Dad and Mikey, you guys have always been there for me, especially you Mikey, I love you guys and I'm sorry for hurting you.

To Grandma Elena, I know you're dead, but I'll meet you in the afterlife soon enough.

To Lindsey, I love you girl, you're one of my only friends, don't grieve over me, good-bye.

And most importantly, to Frank. I love you Frank, and I always have, always will. But you are no longer Frank, you are just some alcoholic who tossed their whole life out the window. The Frank I love is gone; he doesn't exist anymore.

I can't live without you Frank, and now there is no Frank.

Frank, without you, is how I disappear.

To everyone, thanks for the great life everyone, but now, now is the end for me. Everyone's time comes sooner or later, mine is sooner. Sorry for being a burden on everyone, always flooding my problems on all of you. I am sorry, I truly am. But this is my decision, and I have made up my mind.

So long, and goodnight.

My eyes now leaking tears, the most tears I've ever cried in my soon to end life. Not even this much when my Grandma died.

Still crying, I get up and walk to my bathroom, abandoning the note on my desk.

Entering the room I go immediately to the sink. I turn the tap on so that the water burns to the touch. I don't deserve for it to be at a comfortable temperature, not now.

I put the plug in the sink so that the water will pool. Even after the sink is full I keep the burning water running so that it over flows over making a mess of the whole room.

I take one deep breath before diving my face into the water, not taking it out until I can feel the blisters forming and popping.

I take my face out, looking up at my reflection, disgusting. The only word I can use to describe my self right now, disgusting.

My face is completely red and littered with bump that are oozing out mysterious liquids.

I look so disgusting that a place my hand in a fist right over my reflection on the mirror. I slowly pull my hand back before roughly slamming into the glass. The mirror shatters so fast I couldn't even see it through the blink of my eye.

My hand bleeds making everything stain with the red liquid. I chuckle to myself enjoying the pain. I don't even bother to take the large shard out of my hand, I just put it straight into the boiling hot water that now pools the ground. Instantly, I begin to enjoy the sensation of the water turning a deep red colour. Just now I stick my other hand in to remove the glass so that the water can enter the wound burning me from the inside out.

I smile, hot tears still rolling down my cheeks. This is the first time I've smiled in a long time, I usually just mope around like the loser I am.

The sensation of the water streaming through my veins stings and hurts more than anything I have ever experienced before in my life, but I know I deserve it. And knowing that I'm finally getting what I deserve, that makes me happy.

"Gerard," I hear Mikey call from down the stairs in our shared apartment. He must have returned home early, meaning I must finish this soon. "Are you home?"

I take my hands out of the sink hesitantly grabbing the two sharpest pieces of glass I could find.

Hearing Mikey's foot steps go up the stairs I jump into the bathtub not caring about the painful angle I land in.

Using the two triangle shards of glass I run them up and down various places of my body. I decide to put the plug in the drain so that I can rest in a big pool of my own blood.

"Gerard?" Mikey calls from the hallways out side my room.

I quickly make as many cuts as I can so that I loose the most possible blood.

Each cut is deep and jagged. With the amount of blood I'm loosing I start to get dizzy.

A loud click of my bedroom door starts up the sound of my sobs once again.

This time Mikey yells in fear, "Gerard, open this door!"

I instantly line one of the blades up with my right arm. "Make me!" I call out to him before deeply piercing my skin with the blade running it all the way up my arm before doing the same to the other.

I scream in pain, loudly send my brother over the edge.

Mikey kicks the door open, startling me, and I drop the piece of sharp glass and Mikey screams as soon as his eyes are met with the agonising scene.

"Oh my God, Gerard! What did you do?" He looks around the room at the over flowing water, shared mirror, blood, then over to me. Gasping at the sight of my blistered face and blood covered body.

"Good-bye Mikey, this is how I disappear."

My eyes slowly flutter shut, the last thing I see is Mikey pull out his phone to call who I presume is the police.

But it's too late, I'm dead now.

I'm gone and non of them will ever get me back.

A/N: didn't even cry while writing this, whoops. I'm not even sad Geesus I am heartless.

But seriously it's March 22 so this needed to be sad, just like three years ago today.