Mistreated and Rejected

20.) Forgive?

Chloes P.O.V.

Do I or don't I? Do I or don't I? Do I or don't I? My mind canted to me. It refused to focus, to clear so I could think. Do I forgive him for what he did to me? Or do I make him pay? Do I let him be my brother again? Or do I let him suffer? I couldn't think straight. I didn't know which way was up and which way was down.

By the look on his face and by reading some of his emotions, I can tell that he had suffered in a way I could not have imagined. Much more than I even knew was possible. He had become so different, since I left. The brother I remembered, would never had done this. Would never have  apologize to his little sister.

The pain that I felt when I tapped into his mind,  was so real, so strong, so powerful. It swallowed me up whole. I never stood a chance. I fell onto my knees. I pushed further into his feelings, his emotions. I needed....I don't know what I needed. I only knew was that I wanted to know what he felt. I wanted to know what my brother was doing. Was he playing a trick on me? Or was he being sincere? This was the only way to know.

What I felt, was not what I had expected. I felt the pain he had ever felt, crawl up me. Making me want to feel more, but not feel anything at the same time. I felt what he had when he clawed me, I felt that sick twisting of the stomach feeling when he had found me on the ground, lying in my own blood. The rage he felt when he saw that one  word sliced and burned into my flesh.

I felt all this and more. It was so, so much more, than what I had thought it was going to be. The raw intensity of it all, kept its hold on me. Grabbing at my very core. Holding me in a death grab, not wanting to let me go. There was no use struggling. I was lost so deep in the emotions. I felt like I was falling face first, in a never ending hole. That grew darker and darker, until I didn't know if I was still falling.

I would have stayed that way too. If it had not been for, Alex, screaming my name. I felt myself resurfacing. Becoming me again. I moved my fingers, finding comfort in being able to feel my own feelings. That comfort was short lived. I realised what my brother had felt. All because of me.

I think that I had forgiven my brother along time ago. I know now that he was sorry for what he had done. That he had a reason for treating me like that. I always wondered why my own brother would do that, now I felt at ease knowing that he had the strength to protect me.

This knowledge hit me like a ton of bricks. He saved my life so many times, there was no way to counting them. If he had not.....I would have been dead along time ago.

I grabbed onto Alex. I didn't care that we were on the ground. I hugged him with so much force I thought we had become one. I felt him hang on the same way. I whispered into his ear. “ I missed you so much big brother.” Tears glistening in my eyes.

All too soon Alex broke the hold but still held me. He looked into my eyes, cupping  my face in his hands. He used his thumb to caught a stray hair that had slid across my face. I kissed his finger, my eyes never falling from his. Alex looked at me and whispered. “ I am truly sorry for everything I have done to you. I missed you so much, it hurt.  Every time I passed by something that reminded me of you, it was like I lost you all over again. Than I would remember what I had done to you. I promise to be a better brother.” His beautiful blue eyes locked onto my eyes, that held the same colour as his.