Katherine's Journal · Erick Brian Colón

Entry One

To anyone who has ever loved from afar.

• • •

March 8th, 2016

Hey Erick,

Liking someone should not be this difficult.

I've spent more time looking at you than actually talking to you. I can't help feeling anxious even when just the thought of approaching you comes to mind.

The way you make me feel when I'm in your presence is unbearable. From my stomach turning to my heart skipping beats you've managed to have an effect on me like no other boy has. Very silly and a little exaggerating is what one who has never experienced the rush of a crush might say.

You've been stuck on my mind ever since that day I got up from my chair and I bumped into you and you ever so politely apologized.

Our encounter was brief yet I remember the whiff of your rich cologne I caught as I tumbled into your chest. The touch of your soft hands that gently caught my bare shoulders. Your green eyes gazing down at my brown ones for a split moment until I shyly looked away. How could I forget?

As I've been watching you more and more lately I've started noticing some of your own little quirks.

Sometimes, with a tilt of your head, you'd greet a familiar face down the hall, your hands tucked into the pockets of your black, ripped skinny jeans that hugged your legs very tightly.

You'd walk by my lunch table every day to get to your own. It was only a table away from mine, and I'd watch how you'd greet your best friends with the cool guy handshake all the guys seemed to use. Toby, my best friend, got on my case every time she caught me staring at you like an 'infatuated fangirl', so she'd say.

"Don't even start, Toby. I know. I know I look like a total creep obviously staring at him, but I can't help that he's so handsome!" I said, steering my eyes away from you, the tawny boy across from our table, and dug into my salad. I looked back up at Toby once I managed to stick few a pieces of lettuce into my mouth.

"If you're going to stare at someone at least stare at them discreetly! You make it so obvious, Kat!" Toby laughed, glancing towards your table, probably picturing herself cuddled up with one of your best friends, maybe Chris, though she always denied that he wasn't the slightest bit attractive.

'...at least stare at them discreetly!'

But for what? I wanted you to notice me. Yet, you wouldn't stop for a split second to grasp at the obvious before you: the basic pale white girl with blonde hair and boring brown eyes.

I haven't approached you since then, but these feelings have surely begun to pile up, but as I mentioned before, I'm afraid to approach you, afraid of rejection, afraid of embarrassment.

I'll be seeing you around though.

Love, Katherine