Stereotypical

XIX | They, Who Weren't Compatible Afterall

My phone kept ringing and I didn't want to answer. Well no, I did want to answer. I really wanted to answer. So, eventually, I did. I pressed my phone against my ear and waited.

"You picked up!" he gasped. "Carson listen -"

"Stop calling," I mumbled hoarsely, cracking my eyes open. "If I see you again I will hurt you." I hung up before he could respond and dropped the phone on my belly. It made no sense why he'd call after what happened. I didn't want to talk to him, and I didn't want to see his face. I was hurt more than I was angry, but I tied to convince myself that it was all anger.

I was just mad.

With a sigh of frustration, I stood and ran some bath water. I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually taken a bath rather than a shower. As I sank into the steaming water, I frowned. Did it hurt to be electrocuted? What went through my mother's mind as she dropped the appliance into the water?

Was she scared?

I stopped the running water before it overflowed and sank down. It stung, but it was a good sting. I groaned, realizing how absolutely tense I'd been. As my muscles relaxed, an ache spread through my body. "God lee," I whispered, letting my hair down.

My thoughts drifted to Parker. Just days ago, we were friends. I felt like I could trust him enough to explain why he'd never seen my parents. Just when I thought that I was going to be okay, my own recklessness bit me in the ass.

"Rule number one!" I mumbled, snapping my eyes shut. The tears were back, and I sat up.

Don't look.

Don't speak.

Don't show.

Don't tell.

I broke almost all of them. I was crying again, and I couldn't think of anything else to do. "They're made for a reason," I told myself, "stupid." With my palms pressed into my eyes, I lowered myself back into the water and inhaled deeply. I couldn't let this get to me. I'd shatter.

Calm down. "You're going to be okay," I muttered, throwing water on my face. "Just do something about it this time." I threw my head back and crossed my legs. I spent what felt like decades thinking. But, if you were to ask me what I was thinking about, I wouldn't have an answer.

I sat up with a start and looked around. When I'd finally become aware of my surroundings, I noticed that the water was lukewarm. I pulled myself out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my shoulders before tiptoeing into my bedroom. I pulled a shirt over my head and went sluggishly on until I was fully dressed.

I heard the squealing brakes of the school bus, dropping students off from school.

There was no way I'd be graduating with a school record like mine.

I found myself in the dresser mirror and hysterical laughter bubbled out of my chest. Quickly, I cupped a hand over my mouth. 

What a mess. 

My reflection glared back at me. I fixed my gaze and saw the wetness before I felt it. My eyes narrowed as tears welled and blurred my vision.

I don't want to be here.

I removed my hand and exhaled. Then, slowly, I backed away from the mirror and tried to regulate my breathing. My mother had taught me that it was only in my head. I could breathe. It sure didn't feel like it, but I could breathe.

In...out.

In....out.

In...

The ringing of my cellphone interrupted my mini meditation session. I listened to it, feeling my diaphragm constrict. My body was drawn to it - habit had become instinct quickly. The name printed out on the screen affirmed what I already knew.

"Screw off." I muttered, dropping the device onto my bedspread. It stopped singing, and the room went silent. Feeling slightly shittier, I wiped at my moist cheeks until they were dry. Just breathe, I closed my eyes, he's testing you.

The sob that followed my attempt at a deep breath was loud and painful. It bounced off of the walls in my bedroom and followed me downstairs into the kitchen. My feet carried me across the cold floors, to the medicine cabinet.

I just need a little sleep.

I popped two sleeping pills into my mouth and swallowed. I closed my eyes once again and made an effort to count to ten. I only made it to five before slamming the cabinet door shut and dragging myself back to my bedroom. I slithered under my blankets and wiped at my eyes. 

Good thing I don't wear makeup. The lame attempt earned nothing but a weak, insincere chuckle. I ended up staring at the plain whiteness of the wall. Then I looked to the window, which allowed whatever light the sun had to offer into my otherwise dimly lit room.

I rolled onto my back and closed my eyes, gnawing on my bottom lip. When I was younger, I'd argue with my mother about the smallest, stupidest things. And these arguments would go on forever. In anger, I'd scream, "I hope I die!"

Every time.

I knew that if I died somehow, she'd have to live with it forever. It would eat away at her insides and leave a shell - something broken and unrecognizable.

And I wish I hadn't though, because then maybe, she wouldn't have done it to me.

||

I dreamt that I was holding my phone, waiting for it to stop ringing. If I ignored it, whoever was calling would know that I'm on my phone. So I waited, only to have the phone start ringing again. I was growing frustrated, and finally hit the ignore button.

I'd never been so angry in a dream.

When I drifted into consciousness again, the ringing was still there.

My phone's ringing.

Irritably, I sat up and looked around. I heard my phone, but it was nowhere to be seen. My room was completely dark, and that aggravated me more. I turned my lamp on and kicked around until I'd finally found it. Without thinking, I answered and pressed it against my ear.

"Carson," Parker sighed. "I have so many things to -"

I hung up. Swore vigorously. Knocked my lamp over in a fit of rage. Cried.

I cried until my throat hurt and my voice came out like a scratched CD. Cried until every hiccup felt like fire in my diaphragm. Cried until there were no more tears - just me gasping, fighting to keep air flowing through my lungs.

I tore at my hair, my neck, my arms. I threw apart my bedroom, ripping and smashing anything I could find. My hands were stinging. And when there was nothing more I could do, I lowered myself to my knees and put my forehead against the floor. I breathed. I concentrated only on my breathing.

Everything else hurt to think about.

"Great," I whispered. "You've lost it."

I've lost everything.

This is pretty short and uninteresting, I know, but I think the other chapters are going to be crazy long after this. And I'm going to be switching between Carson and Parker, in no specific order of course. I think I'll have the next chapter up today as well if I can buckle down and just write lol