this is an open letter to a school, whose name i didn't want to state due to privacy concerns and other issues. every time its name is mentioned, i replaced it with _____. also, this started out as an open letter and ended up as an actual email, so please don't copy this letter or reproduce it in any way. i trust you guys- just making sure because this is really important to me. (warning- it's quite long) thanks :)
dear _____,
you've probably gotten many letters from people, asking why they didn't get admitted and begging you to reconsider your decision.
sorry to bother you, but here's another one of those letters.
i've had this in my drafts for the past week or so. i've been writing and rewriting and rewriting again, wondering how to put my feelings into words.
to be honest, i've never really been rejected from anything before. i'm ashamed to say that it was almost too easy to get into schools, to win prizes, to get straight a's.
rationally speaking, i knew that applying to _____ was going to be very tough. but, some place in my heart, i thought i'd be accepted.
it's been almost two weeks since i opened the admission decision, braced myself for whatever came next, and read the words "we have placed your name on our waiting list."
i couldn't believe it at first. then something cracked and i began to sob. because even though i knew i was being melodramatic, it felt like my dreams were gone.
because, in a way, they were.
because, for the first time in my life, i hadn't been good enough to get what i wanted most.
my parents told me that there were always other options, that there were other schools. they told me that i hadn't been outright rejected, that i still had another chance.
but _____ was the reason behind everything. it was what had motivated me to apply to boarding school. it was what had made me willing to leave my family, friends, and everything else behind. it was where i imagined myself when i thought about the future.
over the past weeks, i've been trying to think about things more rationally.
was it boarding school i'd wanted? if it was, then why was i so unwilling to consider other options?
why did getting put on the waiting list hurt so much?
why hadn't i been accepted? was it because i didn't have a specific talent? was it because i didn't play enough sports? was it because i simply wasn't good enough?
i know that there are so many people out there, and the countless applicants to _____ are the best of the best. after all, who wouldn't want to go to _____.
they're probably better than me at math, at writing, at violin. they're probably better speakers, better leaders. i know all this and yet- and yet i don't think there's anyone who belongs at _____ as much as i do.
i belong at _____ so much it hurts.
it's my home- i can feel it. when i first visited _____, despite the gloomy weather and overcast skies, i felt something click.
i've spent hours and hours on your webpage, clicking through everything from the notable alumni to photos of your students. i was so impressed by the passion that overflowed from everyone. they all had something that inspired them to keep moving.
maybe that's what i was missing. a goal.
up until this point, my goal's been you. everything else- a subject i loved, a major, a job- was so hazy. i've never understood how people can say "i'm going to major in this," or "i'm going to be that when i'm older," because there's just so much to choose from.
i've always loved math and english, which are complete opposites. and science. and history. and violin. and everything else you can possibly think of.
i was hoping that you'd help me decide, giving me the space i needed where i could try anything and everything and push me to find myself. to understand myself.
because your students, they've all found their passion at _____. they know what path to head down to reach their goal, and you give them the push they need to start running down that path.
and to me, that was so impressive.
i want to- i need to- spend the next four years of my life at _____.
in a way, i'm sort of grateful for this experience. through it, i've learned that sometimes i won't be good enough, and i've learned how to deal with things if i'm not. i've learned how to press on, that i'm tough and i'll get through it.
and most importantly, i've learned that although it seems like the end, it isn't.
because, like my parents had told me a few days ago, i hadn't been rejected.
instead, i'd been given a second chance. a waiting list is like another shot at _____, a chance to redeem myself. it's an opportunity to do better, to try harder.
while it was longer than i intended it to be, i hope that this letter has given you a new perspective of me as a candidate and also as a person.
even though i know i'll be very upset if i'm not accepted, thank you for the lessons that you've taught me.
until then, i'll keep on hoping.
sincerely,
iris kim
