As Eddie walked languidly into the classroom behind the three most popular girls in 3rd year, he self-consciously pushed his hair back which had the undesired effect of having it stick up at awkward, wilting angles. John loomed behind him and slapped his back hard.
‘Awright big man?’
‘Hi’ managed Eddie, forcing a grin but John had already forgotten him as he made his way to the girls.
Eddie watched as John placed one big man-sized hand on the edge of Lindsay’s desk, leaning on it as he charmed all three girls simultaneously. John’s eyes were a soft brown, he had a heap of curly brown hair and he was always tanned which was no easy achievement in Glasgow without the aid of a sunbed. He was also at least a foot taller than Eddie. Nearly every boy in the class compulsively pandered to John in a desperate attempt to be cool by association. Most of the girls fancied him and you could actually feel the buzz of their excitement in the air if John spoke to one of them.
Eddie made his way to his desk and flopped into his chair. He enjoyed the illusion of concealment it gave him to sit there with his head bent down towards his textbook, pretending to read. Even as he knew it would not last long he still managed to steal a few moments of contentment from his solitude.
As the classroom filled up and the noise around him gained momentum he felt the compulsion to join in so he wandered over to John and his pals. Once up close though, Eddie hung back waiting for a way into their conversation. As John mentioned playing football on the weekend, Eddie spoke shrilly.
‘I went to the match on Saturday – did you see it?’
The boys looked at him and said nothing.
‘What do you think?’ John eventually replied, rolling his eyes back lazily as he spoke.
Eddie moved nervously, fiddling with his shirt sleeve and tried again. ‘It was a good game wasn’t it? But that penalty…what a joke.’
‘A joke? You think it was a joke?’ John stood up now, his height making the other boys inferior in comparison. Eddie felt diminished, it was like someone had just taken a highlighter and circled all of his physical shortcomings. He’d thought John was a Celtic fan, he was sure of it. So why was John disagreeing with him about the penalty? How could he have got things so wrong? He tried a laugh but it came out more like a wheeze.
‘I’ve got an annual pass, got it for free. My friend is cousins with Tommy Burns, the manager.’ He would impress John and the others with this even if they were not supporters of Celtic. It cost a fortune for the annual pass and they all knew it. Eddie moved nervously between both feet giving the impression of a repressed dancer. He pulled his shirt sleeve down, swept a hand through his hair and grinned manically at the boys.
‘Yeah, if you want to watch a bunch of losers keep losing every week.’ David snorted phlegm. A stocky teenager with acne all over his face and neck, he tended to throw insults around like everyday greetings. Eddie’s eyes shifted nervously around the room and he became aware that more and more of the class had turned their attention to him. Why had he brought up football? He’d been so convinced they’d be impressed by his annual pass. What an idiot!
'So what did you guys do at the weekend?' he asked, attempting nonchalance.
'Do?' said David. 'Well I did this blonde bird that I picked up in town. Huh huh.'
'David! That is not what I meant!' Eddie tried to keep from blushing but he could feel the flush begin at his shirt collar and start creeping upwards to his face. He danced from foot to foot until his steps got bigger and he was almost pacing at the front of the classroom. 'What did you get up to? That's what I meant.'
'Well that's what I got up to.' David swiveled his head towards the rest of the class as if to say 'What's this moron all about?'
'Yeah and what you got into as well!' John applauded David's promiscuity and his own joke with one big clap.
'John!' Eddie snapped. He could think of nothing to say that would turn this conversation into the friendly chat he had hoped it would be. If he could just be mates with John everyone else would follow and he would be accepted. But right now everyone was looking at him, anticipating trouble. He had started something by showing disapproval and he did not have the backing of a single one of the class. Generally even the cleverer boys overlooked John's lack of wit and general ignorance - his looks and effortless magnetism with the girls trumping all of their abilities. Eddie glanced nervously at the big classroom clock - 2.15pm already. When was this class going to start? He could feel sweat start to trickle down his back as he fumbled for something to say.
'Well what happened to you at the weekend?' he asked John feebly.
The class knew he had backed down, that he had lost his nerve. Eddie sensed a change in atmosphere. Every one of them saw him as weak and pathetic. They had nothing but contempt for him. John did not even bother to acknowledge Eddie's question, instead he turned right round and started chatting to the boys sitting behind him. David walked to the back of the classroom and started playing with the tape deck - he put the speaker on so that the whole class had to endure the high-pitched squeal of the tape being fast forwarded.
'Stop it David! It's so annoying!' yelled Lindsay. Her friends joined in until half the class was arguing against the noise and the other half responding in loud pubescent screeches ‘Why should he stop just because you say so?!' The noise in the class rose and rose and Eddie worried a teacher might come in to see what the mayhem was all about. David, now bored of playing with the tape recorder, had started trying to pull a set of headphones out of the wall. He tugged impatiently at them muttering.
Lindsay gave up chastising David and sat on her desk, back to the blackboard, one hand twirling the end of her streaky blonde hair as she animatedly told her friends about some guy she met on her Saturday job.
Eddie retreated to his desk, he stood behind it looking at his notes but he could not concentrate on the words. The noise of the class was furiously bubbling over in its ascending anarchy. He desperately wanted them all just to stop - stop chatting, stop pushing, stop teasing, stop yelling - just to stop. He wanted them to sit down calmly, face the blackboard and be attentive. He hated classes like this.
Blood pounded in his ears mixing with the sounds in the classroom and causing him to feel dizzy and sick. Sweat stuck his shirt to his back and steamed up his designer glasses. He tried to control his breathing as it became more erratic but he held in his breaths for too long forcing himself to gasp. Eddie felt desperately that he would like to walk out of this class before it had even begun and just keep walking.
He risked a jittery look about the room. David, having failed to extract the headphones from the wall unit, was now chasing a smaller classmate around the room. The smaller boy skidded underneath a desk and David began pulling him out by his trainer. Eddie’s mind was whirling with anxiety. What would he do if someone walked in on this? He would be found out. His inabilities exposed for all to see – not just the pupils but the teachers too.
'RIGHT!' Eddie squealed, trying to insert as much force and authority into his voice as possible. 'Sit down. Back to your seats. Everybody! Come on now. This isn't a party it's a French class! Listen to me! David! David! DAVID SIT DOWN. Stop that. Leave him alone! Lindsay could you please get down off the desk? DAVID! Come on everybody show a bit of respect.' Eddie flapped and twittered at the front of the classroom impotently. The class went on without him.
copyright © 2013 Kat Friel
