Chapter 14
Part 1 – Nadine
Kimberley stayed in L.A. with me for about a week or so. It was actually kind of nice to hang out with her on my own, something we had not done in a very long time. She was probably the closest thing to a perfect person. She was beautiful inside and out, level headed and caring. Nothing like me or Cheryl.
I met up with Jason a couple more times, but we wanted to keep it casual (and secret). But nothing gets past Kimberley and it wasn't long until she was sitting me down for a concerned chat. It came about one afternoon whilst I was flat hunting.
“Did you go out really late last night and sneak back just before I woke up?” She asked me as we left a property I quite liked the look of.
“What? Why would I do that?” I asked, I was trying to play it cool, but there was probably no escaping.
“I'm not going to lecture you... I mean, it's fairly obvious you and Cheryl are over...” she said. We'd not actually talked a lot about Cheryl since she first turned up here. I tried not to think about her, I felt freer without the sneaking around and trying to fix her problems.
“I don't think you'd be happy with my choices...” I said anxiously.
“Oh, why...? Is it someone we already know? It's not Jesse is it? Because that didn't end well,” She said, shaking her head. That was true, but it didn't end as badly as Jason. I wished it was him I was sneaking out to sleep with.
“It's not Jesse,” I said, nervously laughing.
“It is an ex though isn't it? Nadine...?” She said, trying to force some eye contact.
“Right, don't kill me and don't tell anyone. I've been hooking up with Jason, but that's all it is. It's just casual, just a rebound thing,” I told her plainly.
“Are you *Ducking* joking? Nadine, he put you in hospital, he made you lose a baby,” she hissed at me.
“Well, there's no babies to lose this time,” I said, I never spoke about that incident with anyone anymore. I definitely didn't want to now.
“Nadine, I'm actually really worried about you, he's a dangerous man,” she said, sounding a mixture of concerned and angry.
“Only if I annoy him, which I won't. I'm giving him what he wants, and I'm getting what I want out of it too,” I told her, although I knew she was right.
“And what do you want that he could possibly give you?” She said.
“Closure. Distraction.”
“Bullshit”
“What do you mean by that?!”
“You still love Cheryl, you're going to love her for ages. Sleeping around with anyone isn't going to change that,” she told me.
Perhaps she was right. I didn't really care about Jason at all, and I wasn't that worried about him hurting me, I just hated being alone at night. If Jason hadn't text me when I got back to L.A. chances are I'd have just got with some random guy. Like everything recently, this was definitely going to end in tears.
Part 2 – Cheryl
I never bothered trying to call Nadine in those few days after the story broke. She would let me know if she wanted to be contacted, give me some kind of sign or send a message with the other girls. I had well and truly fucked up what could've been the best relationship I'd ever had. Although, looking back there was always trust issues, a huge amount of love, but not a lot of trust.
My mum was livid when she found out the doctor had given me pills, when I clearly had a problem. She didn't really believe in rehab though so I was whisked back to Newcastle for a harsh dose of reality instead. At first it was weird, I didn't know what to do in the evenings, no big events to attend. But gradually I eased in to spending some time alone, as well as looking after my nieces and nephews. It started to make me think how I'd love a family of my own one day, something that would be biologically impossible with Nadine anyway.
What did I want to do with my life now? People think that someone like me can do whatever they please, but that's not true. I've spent a lot of time doing what other people have told me to do as well, like this ten year reunion, I know it's going to come and I'll be expected to do it, but mine and Nadine's sabotaged relationship has really put me off anything band related.
I enjoy performing and it is what brings the money in so I made a decision to focus on my solo career for the foreseeable future. Maybe by the time the reunion came about things wouldn't be so bad anyway. Maybe me and Nadine could even be friends again? I chuckled at that thought, it was unlikely. Sure you can be friends with exes, but not exes like her. I didn't even know if she was an ex yet, it's not like she'd even said the words “it's over”.
That thought stuck in my mind for ages, but I didn't have the confidence call her at this point. I just prayed that Kimberley was with her, working her magic, convincing her to get in touch. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with Nadine or not, but the thought of never seeing or speaking to her again made my heart break even more. We went back such a long way and it would be a shame to waste all of that over a few badly judged decisions.
I decided after a few sleepless nights and a lot of over thinking that I would sort my life out and get my career back on track before I went after Nadine again. I wanted to be content with myself before I put myself in a vulnerable position again.
