A World Without Lillia

Part 5

Guys... I know. A lot has happened since I promised to finish this... I got sued by my landloard (which I won by the way- don't mess with me), and then school started again and I got a really bomb internship where I travel to music festivals and work them. But I'm going to go ahead and get to the part you really want. I hope this chapter makes up for all of the false promises I made in the past. No more of those, my loves.

Alexandra

_____________________________________________________________________________

Felix locked his eyes on Lillia's face, searching her for something that he was not sure he expected to find. But he did. She was being completely truthful with him, the depth in her warm brown eyes was testament enough to that.

"That you believe this is a gift to me, Lady."

She smiled and looked down, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, "Please call me Lillia."

"I would rather call you Lilli." He whispered, eyes trained on her face. He did not realize the words had come from his mouth until he witnessed Lillia's rose petal lips part in surprise. His eyes widened comically in a way that warmed Lillia's heart more than the fire ever could warm her body.

"Please forgive me, I was too forward."

Lillia giggled and shook her head, "No. I like Lilli. No one has ever called me Lilli before. Only you."

He watched her for a long moment, trying to read her motifs. She was so innocent, so fragile. No. Not fragile. The woman who held her composure during a robbery; the woman who braved a night alone in an unfamiliar forest was not fragile. She was strong in ways that he was not sure the people closest to her understood.

And he realized then that he was verging on a very dangerous line of thought. He could not begin to have feelings for this woman. She was a noble woman and he was wanted by the king. What kind of a life could he give her, a nomad life of running when she was used to stability and wealth? He would not presume to attempt to lower her station in life. She would come to resent him if she did.

"Perhaps you should get some sleep, Lady." Lillia was taken aback by the cold tone of his voice and the stone of his face.

"Felix, what is wrong?"

"Lady, you must be exhausted-"

"No, you are going to tell me what is wrong."

He looked up at her, cold expression melting slightly, "We are getting too familiar. You mustn't forget that I am a wanted man. I will have to leave the moment you are safely home lest I be caught."

Lillia's heart shattered. He was right. She was an intelligent enough woman to know that she would not be able to plead him into innocence like she could her sister. He committed murder and the King was not one to overlook that. Lillia nodded demurely and shifted her body to lie on the ground next to the fire.

From the angle she was laying she could only see the outline of Felix's face from through the flames of the fire, and she watched him unapologetically. She had never met a more handsome man, and she realized that she would be sad to see him leave. She had never felt so free than she did with him. He let her speak her mind in ways that she would never be able to with her family and friends. When she was with him he made her feel like his equal, something that she had never experienced before. How could she give something like that up? How could she allow herself to be married off to a man who would most likely treat her the way that Lozen did; a pretty fool.

She was no fool.

As she gazed up at him through the fire she felt the impending panic of arriving back to her parents. She did not want to be used to further her parents' wealth. She did not want to live the rest of her life as a pretty doll to be played with, dancing and singing to make people happy. She was worth more than a life of being an ornament in a rich man's household!

Lillia felt tears well in her eyes as she thought about what was in store for her if she went home. Suddenly she understood why her sister was so rebellious. Scarlette had simply seen the truth earlier in life. Lillia was only learning now. It took a failed engagement and a stagecoach robbery to jar her into reality, but at least she was finally thinking clearly.

All of the sewing lessons, the etiquette lessons, the singing and dancing lessons, the poetry lessons, the pretty clothes, the extravagant parties, the frivolous people; they were all useless! What had she learned in her year of life? That she was not worth it if she was not perfect. And she was sick of trying to be perfect. She was sick of trying to be the lady that everyone wanted her to be. All she wanted was to be herself naturally.

Feeling that she was about to lose control over herself, Lillia sprang up and rushed from the mouth of the cave. Felix called after her, startled and worried, and followed her as she stumbled her way to the ground where she fell to her hands and knees and began to sob. She was not sobbing out of self pity this time. She was not upset over something that hurt her feelings, she was let letting out any pent up rage or anxiety.

She was terrified.

She did not want to return to that place where she had no voice. She did not want to be found. She wanted to go her own way. She wanted to be in control of her own life. Why was what she wanted always put aside to make room for what her parents wanted? Why could she not just turn tail right now and disappear into the woods to create her own path for herself?

"Lilli, sweet Lilli, I have seen too many tears fall from those lovely doe eyes." Felix soothed as he crouched down and pulled her into his arms, "Please don't make me see anymore."

Lillia pushed him away, anger now billowing in waves towards her new target, "You do not get to tell me that I am not allowed to cry! I could not care any less that you do not like to see my tears, if I need to let them out then I will let them out. I deserve to express myself! I do not deserve to be told that pretty girls do not cry! I do not deserve to be taught that emotional girls do not make good wives! I am a human being with feelings, not a spaniel to be leashed and shown off for a prize!" Suddenly she was no longer berating Felix. She was berating her parents and her teachers. She was berating all of those who ever tried to tamp down her true nature.

She looked at Felix with imploring and tearful eyes, "I am worth enough on my own without having to pretend I am something that I am not."

Felix was still crouched down to her level, watching her with soulful eyes that took in her features with rapt adoration. To any bystander he would have looked like a man at worship.

"You are worth more than everything. You are worth the world ten times over and more." He inched forward, "I have never in my life met a person who inspired my faith in humanity like you have, and I am not ashamed to tell you that if I could marry you right now or in a thousand years I would without any question." He punctuated his confession with a kiss that Lillia was not expecting. She gasped into it, but soon relaxed and gave in to the passion that he so clearly felt.

His hands never traveled lower than her face, and hers remained clutched into his shirt, but their lips and tongues danced and teased and flirted until Lillia could barely breathe through the feelings he erupted in her heart.

He pulled away first to rest his forehead on hers, panting heavily as she regained her bearings. They sat together in the night for a long time, watching each other like they were each the most beautiful artwork. Lillia reached out and ran her fingers down the side of his face, marveling at the rough texture of his beard, reveling in the raw feeling in her face from where it rubbed against her during their kiss. Felix leaned in and brushed a light kiss over her lips before scooping her into his arms and making his way with her back to the fire where he could keep her warm. That night they slept side by side, Felix's arm stretched out to create a pillow for Lillia's head to rest on. He propped his head on a flat rock and watched her fondly as her eyes fluttered closed from exhaustion. Before he closed his own eyes he reached over and brushed a strand of hair away from her face, worshiping her radiance.