Look What You Made Me Do

Germany x Broken! Reader

Germany x Broken! Reader Songfic
Diary Of Jane
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or you.
You are my made up country Heartland.
Warning: Triggering things like cutting and cursing.

Reader's P.O.V.
I am Heartland, an old country but a small one. I sit in the conference listening to my IPod and I stare at my hands. It's been hard on me because even though I'm an old country, I was just discovered about a year ago. I was taken in by some of the other countries so that they could teach me more things and make peace treaties with them. I was first taken in by China, he was kind and smart, and I had started to grow feelings for him, until we traveled to see the emperor and was discovered that I had brilliant musical talents and that was when China gave me to the emperor as a gift. I looked at China and started to cry, he was such a nice country, yet I was nothing but a gift for his boss, so I ran away.
Next I was taken in by Russia, the same process happened, I didn't find him scary, and I had fallen for him because he was so nice to me. But when we arrived at his house, he started to treat me like a slave , once again breaking my heart causing me to leave. I was then taken in by England, he treated me well, made me tea and was a gentleman until he tried using me as a Guinea pig for his black magic, he had also broken my heart and I left. This process continued to happen even when I went with America and Spain. I left each time getting more hurt than the last time.
Today was the day of a new world conference, and, no doubt, they would find someone to try and take me in. Each time I wrote more and more about my heart break, love, then heartbreak again almost filling up my diary. I took my earbuds out as they started to discuss who would take me in.
"No, I'll take her in!" Romania yelled, and soon an argument broke out and I winced. Little did I know that Germany was watching me.
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!
I put back in one earbud and turned on my favorite song, Diary Of Jane. Suddenly Germany yells getting very annoyed. I flinch and look up at him as every goes silent.
"Vould you all just be quiet! Vhy do you all find it necessary to argue over Heartland, some of you have already been given zhat chance but you messed it up!" Germany yelled looking extremely angry.
"Someone has to take in Heartland!" Someone yells out of the blue. Germany looks at me and I stare back with a blank expression.
"Vell, I vill give it a try. You say zhat she is incompetent yet I do not see zhat. Ja, I vill take her in myself." Germany states and I sigh. Nobody argues and Germany stands there with a clenched jaw.
"I guess that settles it then. Good luck with her she is incompetent and stubborn and just a down right bitch!" England growls. I droop my head and bite my lip harshly.
"Vell zhen, meeting adjourned!" Germany says and everyone gets up to leave. Germany stands there waiting for me and I don't move.
Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.
"Vell, are jou coming or not?" Germany says. I stand up suddenly causing Germany to take a step back in shock. I leave the room and run past everyone into a one person women's bathroom. I slam the door and I lock it and lean against it as tear run down my cheeks and blood from where I bit my lip runs down my chin.
"I never did anything to anyone. They are the ones that hurt me." I whisper to myself. I reach in my purse and take out a napkin and I unwrap the razor blade hidden inside and I slash my wrist twice an hold it over the sink to watch it bleed before I rinse off the blood and wrap gauze around it before pulling down my sweater sleeve. Someone knocks at the door.
"Heartland, are jou in zhere?" I hear Germany ask. I clean the tears and blood from my face and I pull up my hood before opening the door.
"Yeah, let's just go." I say making sure my voice doesn't crack. Germany leads me outside to his car and I get in, not once looking at him. I pull out my diary and flip to an empty page.
'Here I am again Dear Diary, I am off to a new place, doubt it will be better than the last. Another man, that used to catch my eye, who's accent made me blush. But this time Diary, I am not stupid enough to let my heart run break anymore than it has. This time Diary I won't fall for the good natured people anymore, Not even the man that had taken up my dreams in the very beginning. It won't happen anymore, never again.'
"Vat are jou writing?" Germany asks. I snap my diary shut before he can glance at it.
'Nothing." I say and I put the book and pen away and go to sleep in preparation for the long ride that will take place.
Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that
Time Skip
I have been in Germany's house for a few weeks, and I am slowly losing my mind. I had promised myself that the dreams I once had of Germany would never come back, but they did. I sat at my desk in my room and wrote in my diary.
'Here I am once again Dear Diary, I cannot take this anymore, the dreams have returned but they are different than before. These dreams are more lewd and vivid than before.' I continue to write in detail about the dream, never writing the name in fear that Ludwig will find my diary and read it seeing my thoughts about it.
"(Y/N) it's time to train, are jou ready?!?!" Ludwig yells up the stairs and I get into my training outfit pants and a running jacket with long sleeves to hide the scars and new cuts. I come downstairs and I hear Feliciano and Kiku talking to Ludwig.
"How has the bella been a-doing?" Feliciano asks.
"She is still not talking. I do not understand vhy zhough, it's like somezhing is eating at her." Lugwig answers. I step outside and the training begins.
Time Skip
After hours of training I stand in the shade of a tree and watch Lugwig still running. Suddenly more thoughts pop into my head as I watch the sweat glisten off of his body and I imagine him over me sweating like that as he-. I  run to the house and get my napkin wrapped blade and some clean clothes and a towel and I go to get a shower.
"(Y/N)? Are jou okay up zhere?!" Germany yells. I guess he saw me and ran after me. I don't answer as I undress and get into the shower with the blade and I cut myself multiple times to get the thoughts of Germany out of my head.
"Why, why, why, why?!?!" I whisper to myself each time I draw the blade across my scar covered skin. I drop the blade as tears run down my face and I watch the blood drip into the tub and run down the drain.
Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.
Germany's P.O.V.
I run after (Y/N) as I see her run into the house and I ask Italy and Japan where she went.
"The bella a-went upstairs." Italy answers cooking his pasta.
"Hai, (Y/N)-san went upstairs." Japan says. I nod an I go upstairs and knock on (y/n)'s door, it creaked open and I don't see her but I see the book I once saw her writing in open on her bed. I look around before picking it up and read the newest page. My cheeks burn a bright red as I read the lewd things on the paper about some man. I set the book down and wonder who it could be. I hope it is me, I haven't told her but (y/n) is everything to me.
Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?
Reader's P.O.V.
I hear Ludwig come up the stairs and he knocks on my bedroom door. I dress and sit in the bathroom before trying to clean up the blood on my arm.
"(y/n) vhere are jou?" I hear Ludwig ask and I panic since he sounded close. I accidentally push too hard on the deepest cut and I yelp in pain and then  hear banging on the door.
"I-I'm in here." I say starting to cry in pain. Ludwig pounds on the door harder.
"(y/n)! Are jou okay, let me in, is zhere somezhing wrong?!" He yells and I don't answer. Soon Ludwig breaks the door in and freezes when he sees my bloody arm.
"L-Ludwig I...." I start but he hugs me tight.
"(y/n), vhy? Vhy vould jou do somezhing like zhis to yourself?" Ludwig asks pain evident in his voice as tears run down his cheeks.
"It's hurts Ludwig, all of the betrayal that the others have put me through, too much pain, Ludwig. I'm scared... I loved them but.... They hurt me.... They call me incompetent and they call me bitch. It hurts Ludwig, the love I used to have hurts, I'm scared to love you too Ludwig... Why can't they all have seen that?" I cry and he pulls me into his chest to cry.
"I vould never hurt jou. Don't jou see zhat? I love jou too much to ever dream of hurting jou." Ludwig says and my eyes widen.
"You... Love me?" I ask.
"Ja, I do." He says. Tears run down my cheeks as I stare at him. Suddenly, he presses his lips against mine and he kisses me. I kiss back and he holds me tight.
"Why didn't I see it before? I should have known. It was you the whole time... even in my dreams it was you." I say breathlessly. Ludwig kisses my forehead and smiles.
"Zhat is zhe past. Come on, let's get jou fixed up." He says and he pulls me to my feet.
Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.
Time Skip
In the end it was always Ludwig, he picked me up off the ground and he put me back together. Ludwig and I are still together to this day and he's taught me what love really is like and that it isn't something to be afraid of.