Hold onto me: Tronnor AU

Chapter 2

Troye

[TW: mention of eating disorders, self-harm]

I open my eyes slightly, letting the light of the day disturb my tired eyes. I didn't want to get up, I hadn't slept very well and I felt like a weight was pushing me down, not letting me stand up. I layed there in my bed for a long time, not even caring what time it was. Finally after what seemed like hours, I slowly sit up, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands.

I took my phone from the bed side table. It was 1:49 pm already. I wasn't surprised at all, my sleeping pattern was so screwed up by now that it didn't really matter when I woke up. I decided to finally stand up and get prepared for another horrible day.

I drag my feet in the direction of my bathroom and close the door behind me. I look at my reflection in the mirror and I'm not even surprised anymore at how awful I look.

My hair was so unhealthy that no matter what I did I couldn't stylize it, so I just let it down now. I had bags under my eyes because of my lack of sleep, and my eyes didn't look as bright as other days.

Not to even mention how sick and unhealthy my figure seemed. I was getting paler everyday and for a moment I thought I could start to see that I was getting skinnier.

Hahaha. You skinny? Don't flatter yourself, darling. You're very far from being skinny.

I shook my head abruptly as the voice in the back of my mind appeared once again. But it wasn't wrong. I was so far from being as skinny as I wanted to be. As I needed to be.

I pushed those thoughts aside as I let the cold water from my shower run. It sent shivers down my spine and I felt tears in my eyes when the water made contact with my wrists.

The cuts weren't as deep this time but they were still fresh from last night. I didn't want to remember anything about yesterday, every time I thought about it I would feel an itch in my wrists. I didn't want to think about anything.

But sometimes, no matter what I did, my thoughts took over.

You're stupid, Troye. Don't you get it? It was all your fault! Everything is your fault.

No, it wasn't.

It wasn't? How blind are you? Everything that's gone wrong when you're around is your fault.

It's not true, leave me alone.

When will you start listening to your own mind, Troye? Who could be more truthful than your brain?

Shut up.

Or what? What will you do? Cry your eyes out? Do it. You deserve the pain for being such a mistake

I'm not a mistake!

Horrible son.

Please, stop.

Failure.

No, that's a lie.

You hurt everyone around you.

I... I don't mean to!

Fat. You need to lose weight.

But...

But nothing! Want to be accepted? LOSE WEIGHT. YOU ARE DISGUSTING.

I am disgusting...

YES. YOU ARE FINALLY LISTENING.

I am a mistake. I am a horrible son. I am a failure. I hurt everyone around me.