Once in a lifetime.

Chapter 14: Insecurity

H guys, I'm gonna rant a bit here and ask a very important question. Do you guys even comment at all? I mean, I don't mean to sound spoilt or anything but I am in my final year of high school, I need to study to get and maintain my high grades because i want to study in university next year and i do enjoy writing very much. I want you guys to enjoy my stories hence why I work hard, my English is not perfect and my Sentence formation is far from it but please! Almost no-one seems to even comment, no matter how much I ask. I admit, I am a very insecure, little shït but no! please just comment, even if it is criticism, I don't firkin mind, i just wish to know that at least you guys acknowledge my stories,and I will always answer.

Thank you...

Now*deep breath* on with the story...

Alex's POV

I don't mean to complain or anything but Justin just seems to be on edge, ever since we boarded the plane. He is just so secretive. I feel like every time I look into his eyes I am being lied to. I tend to feel that very strongly, anyone else? No? He just seems so tentative and fragile now. As if I am his only pillar, I cannot comprehend what is the real actual threat.

'Why can't he tell me the truth?' My heart sinks whenever I try to touch him and I can feel his hesitation, like an injured wolf. He's not happy, and I don't know what to do to fix it. The plane takes off and i can feel my heart tear out and being left behind in Hawaii. 

I tilt my head just to get a glimpse of Justin's face. He is fast asleep. He looks serene, at peace. And I just cannot resist caressing his face, savouring the moment while I can. He leans towards my hand slightly and a ghost of a smile appears on his lips. I can't help but let a smile also grace my lips.

At least i can make him happy while he sleeps. 

With that thought in mind I relax and let slumber take over for a little while. At least I can relax and be fully happy in my dreams.

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I wake up not rested at all and Sophia is in my lap. Her all-knowing eyes are wide awake and staring straight at me, seeing through all my facades. And I don't like that. I turn away.

She pouts and slides off my lap. The guilt begins to tug at my heart but I try to ignore it and walk off the plane.

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I dismiss Laura and enter the meeting room. The deceiving smiles and manipulating eyes stare at me as I wordlessly walk to my chair and sit down. As soon as I do, a very nerdy-looking guy stands up and starts stuttering.

I smile gently at him, "Pardon me?"

He smiles back at me tentatively. He takes a deep breath and starts: 

"Good afternoon, my name is Eric and I've come to represent..." He drones on confidently as if he's rehearsed that over and over again. I cannot help but chuckle to myself right through the proposal. I saw that Eric noticed and became more relaxed, even cracking jokes along the way. 

When it all was over, I told the company owner that I would think about funding their company and I kindly asked Eric to stay behind. He really didn't look shocked, more like he was expecting it. We talked more and walked out of the office laughing together. i could feel a pair of eyes burning a hole in the back of my head but I ignored it and laughed a genuine laugh that I couldn't do for awhile now. My conscience tugged at my already aching heart.

When did I become so dãmn attached?

I came home completely sober, I don't drink much. Only in extreme situations. Pulling at my pants already was, guess who? My darling Little Sophie. I wanted to pick her up, hug her tightly and cry. Guess which 2 of the three I did.

She looked at me with utterly devastated eyes and I immediately became alarmed. What happened to her? I looked in her eyes once and already knew. Andy What had that fool done now? I carried Sophie to her room, comforted her and continued whispering sweet nothings in her ear until she stopped crying. When I thought she was fast asleep, I stood up.

Her hand immediately clutched my hand again, her big eyes shone fear. 

"Tell me a story big brother." She never used those two words unless she was really scared. I sat down,  shock registering in my mind. Her voice showed early maturation. I didn't want that. I wanted her to have a normal childhood, not for her to become a 20 year old now, while she was still young. And so, I told her a story of our childhood. As usual, she fell asleep before the ending, clutching my hand tightly. 

I stood up and stretched to get her big blue teddy bear. It smelled like me, I absently wondered when she got access to my cologne. I gently pushed the teddy bear into her small arms. She inhaled deeply before cuddling the big teddy bear and mumbling some gibberish. "I love you big bro." She said in her sleep.

You will not firkin cry Andrew! And I still do anyway. I kissed her head and exited the room leaving her door open, just a small bit. 

I quietly make my way to the kitchen, meeting empty alcohol bottles strewn around. More tears escape. Why did he do this? I admit that I went with Eric but, we're just friends. I made sure of that. I don't joke when I say that I love Justin. Did he really have to resort to drinking?

I clean up the mess absently, actively wondering where Justin is. As soon as I put everything in the trash, I walk back upstairs slowly, exhaustion working its way into my body quickly. I open the door to me and Justin's room slowly. The strongest stench that hits me is the alcohol. I walk in and see...

Justin in bed, with Dariel. My best friend. They were both only in their boxers and they were in a tight embrace. My heart squeezed when I saw Justin open his eyes and looked panicked for a moment. he shoved Dariel away and avoided eye contact. Dariel opened his eyes, quickly shoved himself in his clothes and was out the door before I could even blink. While I was watching him, Justin had gone to the bathroom.

I removed my remaining clothes, except for my boxers and wore one of his shirts. I quietly crawled into bed. My eyes teared up when Justin came out of the bathroom clean and smelling fresh. The room was stuffy and I just had to open the windows. I breathed in the cold night air deeply. It always seemed to calm my raging emotions down. I hate feeling emotional.

Emotions are shïtty and full of crãp. Once I was sure Justin had fallen asleep, I got into bed, wrapped my arms around him, pulled him towards myself and tears slowly made their way down my already wet cheeks, vivid images of what happened coming to mind.

Maybe they were just cuddling, after all I forced Justin into another man's arms. So its only fair that he seemed comfort from another person, other than my pathetic self.

I burst into another flood of tears, I couldn't sleep now, I knew it. Why did I have to be so dãmn emotional? I closed my eyes, praying and hoping that tomorrow would be better.

Hi, so I've already said what I wanted to say.

Thanks, who's your favourite person? Mine is my best friend Caitlynne

Ami.