Am I Still not Good Enough?

Lost-3

Through the tears blurring my vision and forcing my sobs to quiet, I stomped up my steps and ripped open my bedroom door. I stalked over to my closet, but his voice made me freeze.

"Well, well. Look who's home early," he snickered. I spun around on my heel and wiped my tears away furiously.

"D-daddy, you're home," I stammered. He was leaning heavily against my doorframe, lightly swinging an almost empty bottle of Bourbon.

"Aw, was my lil' girl cwyin," he slurred with an evil smile plastered on his face. The overpowering smell of vodka and Jim Beam hit me and I struggled to breathe without gagging. He stalked over to me and in a quick swipe, gripped my red curls in his sticky fist, pulling hard enough to make me cry out and my knees buckle.

"L-let go!" I cried, clawing at his fist.

"You're such a waste of space, Skyra," my father spat and threw my small body into my faded purple wall.

"OOF!" I gasped as my back smacked into the plaster and I dropped heavily to the floor. My back ached and my head bobbled unevenly as black spots invaded my vision.

"Up you worthless whore," he growled and as I turned my aching head to look at him, fear flashing through my body when I saw what was going to happen. I watched him swing his arm and the bottle of bourbon came crashing down on my skull, shattering into a million shards of glass across the oak floorboards. I couldn't feel anything. A numbness took over in my body and something warm was oozing a trail down my forehead and dripping off the tip of my nose. And then I was gone.

~*~

The metallic smell of blood was all but prominent in my sensitive nose thanks to my enhanced senses. Not a good stench to wake up to. I couldn't move. My head felt heavy, my arm trapped beneath the dead weight of my torso and the other lazily stretched on the floor I front of my face where a puddle of thick, maroon liquid lay in a pool. Blood, my blood. Then the odor of the bourbon hit me, and a wave of nausea rushed through my stomach. But I couldn't move. I could barely breath. The blinding sunlight from my window reflected against small fragments of glass spewed across my floor, threatening to cut skin with their jagged edges.

I tried to push myself up, but my right arm was trapped underneath me, and I didn't have enough strength to move it. I used my left to pull myself from my side onto my stomach, and instantly regretted it. Not only was I mere millimeters from sticking my face into a messy puddle of my own red blood, but the movement sent a spark of pain up my spine and caused me to let out a shriek of pain.

"Ahh! Fuck!" I cried, unknowingly spilling some tears as I pulled myself to my bed and tried to ignore the excruciating pain that had decided to plague my being. A throbbing migraine wasn't helping much either, and when I reached up to cup my head, I instantly pulled away and gasped at my hand, warm with blood. My right arm was asleep at the moment, numb and basically useless. I heaved at the sight of my hand. I had to steady myself on the floor so I didn't fall back over. I reached a shaky hand out to my bed frame and grasped the wood to use to pull myself up and onto my mattress. I fell onto it and let my eyes flutter closed. I was so not going to school today, that's for sure.

~*~

When I finally opened my eyes, I had to close them in fear of being blinded by the sun. I could feel the sadness rolling off my wolf like waves, and I needed to speak with her.

'He's rejected us,' she whispered sadly.

'I know, I know it hurts.'

'HURTS!? That's the wolf I'm supposed to mate with! No, WE are supposed to mate with! I feel like my heart is ripped in half! I'm not hurting, I feel like I'm dying!' She cried in my mind.

'I know, we're one in the same. I feel what you feel, remember? But we have to be strong,' I pressed. I tried to be firm but she wasn't having it. So I changed the subject.

'How long was I out?' I asked.

'Two days,' she replied. So it's Saturday, perfect. I felt her turn her back to me. I reached up and touched my head where I had been hit with the bottle. It was painful, but healed already. I saw glass fall from my hair, once embedded in my skin I presume. I decided to take a shower. I slowly rose from my bed and took slow steps to my bathroom. The room was foggy and my head was light. I couldn't concentrate on anything with this pounding in my head.

I made it to my bathroom and avoided the mirrors. I did my business and then stripped. I saw the stains of blood and alcohol on my clothes. It bothered me my clothes were now stained, but it's happened before. I figure I need to wash those, as well as scrub the floorboards. But I'll have plenty of time for that. Saturdays Dad goes put to gamble and doesn't come home till Sunday afternoon, mostly drunk and high.

I slid into the shower and started the water, loving the feeling of cool water rushing down over my soar body. I know most people crave the heat of a hot shower but personally cool showers feel so much more relaxing to me. I lowered myself to the bottom of the tub and just sat under the flow of the water. I let out a soft moan as the spray hit in a repetitive beat against my shoulder blades and ran soothingly down my aching back. I wrapped my arms around my legs, setting my forehead against my knees and just closed my eyes. I was too rested to sleep. So I sat for what felt like hours before finally getting to my feet. I felt dizzy. My eyes went from clear, to fuzzy, and back to clear again. I just stood there in the water for a few moments before the dizziness went away. I took my time shaving, washing my hair, washing my body and face, and making sure I had scrubbed all my makeup off. When I was done I shut off the water and hopped out of the shower. I wrapped a fluffy white towel around myself and quickly dried off. I decided I might go for a run in the woods, ya know, get my wolf side on.

I quickly grabbed a matching set of lime green panties and lace bra and one of my shirts that were way too big. It was a bubblegum pink with the playboy bunny on it. Don't ask me why I have it, I really don't know. I headed down in my towel and to what little of a backyard we have, and shifted. It's been so long since my last shift, almost three months. And it hurt like hell. My bones cracked, and I arched backwards and let out a scream of pain I'm sure nobody heard. My face elongated into a muzzle, teeth lengthening into canines, and tongue gradually increasing length as well. Soon my legs buckled, bringing me onto all fours. I watched my hands grow silver fur, fingers fusing together and becoming toes to connect with my paws, and the same with my feet and ankles. The towel had fallen off, my red curls disappeared, and in place stood two tall, slightly triangular ears. And if I had a mirror, I'd be able to see my deep argent eyes that match my fur and so perfectly resemble the moon.

'Lets run,' my wolf pleaded. I knew why. I felt a constricting pull in my chest, leaving a painful burning sensation throughout my body and it wasn't hard to tell it was Blaise fucking some slut from school. If I thought about it, Blaise hangs out with all the other guys like him-the bad boy clique, and the sluts, cheerleaders, ya know. His flavor of the week was probably Diana. Brunette, stick thin, long legs, big boobs blah blah blah. I believe she's also captain of the cheer squad. Go figure! Although I shouldn't be too mean, she is a sweet girl sometimes. It really depends on who she's with. But she's always wearing those six inch platform heels, high wasted shorts that defy the dress code by three times the length allowed, and shirts meant for preteens, not a soon to be graduate. But she's rich and easy. That's why he goes for girls like that.

'Are you trying to hurt us more?' My wolf snarled at me.

'Sorry, it's just difficult not to think about Blaise. I mean honestly it's not like you're doing any better,' I snapped back. I felt a deep sadness overwhelm her.

'It's his pride,' she whispered sadly. 'That's what's keeping him from loving us. We don't meet his standards. We must change,' she told me. I started running, loving the feeling of the summer wind in my fur.

'I will not change for that bastard!' I shouted, forcing myself to run even faster. 'I will not allow you, him, or anyone else dictate how I live my life and what I wish to appear as!' I dug my paws into the mossy dirt, forcing myself to run faster. 'I am my own god damn person!' I snarled, running even faster. 'And I will not let some pride filled, egomaniac change WHO I AM!'

I didn't realize in time that I was headed straight for a tree until I couldn't stop. My wolf cried out, and I let out a wolfy shriek, knowing what was coming next. I skidded on the black pads of my paws and slammed my eyes shut, knowing impact was imminent. My body swung to the side and I was launched into the air before my left side made contact with the large Elm and I was out like a light.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I was originally going to write more in this chapter, but it got deleted. I will try and make the next chapter longer for you guys! Comment, Vote, Fan, blah blah blah you know the drill! Check out all of my other books too! Most of them are also werewolf books for those were-lovers :)

-Lwriter