is it me or am i never.

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live some terrible lie
with your terrible feathers
tangled in terrible knots,
the songs of one hundred sirens
bellowing tyrannical to
a sailor, high-strung and set to
sea in waves,
redolent
of the music unfettered by my ears.

it is the way you smile that
makes me want to cry myself to
sickness, to watch the
hunger in your eyes blind even the
brightest
stars; just watch my bones
bend into the shape of a cage and
drown me in waves
of dreams ripe with an
overreaching indigo taste.

you make me feel like a cancer,
unwanted and lurking between cratered
wings
when i just want to write to myself,
where are you sparkles now,
sweetheart?
a dullness seeping through my cells,
the corrosion dances tangled songs
in my bones and i have to pretend
like i don't like it.

no spines remaining whole to quake in
pyramidal twists, all snakes
in my throat;
i want you to feel the fires
i've never felt,
i want you to taste the colors
unknown to my tongue

my mouth becomes a spread
of assorted dinner ghosts.
i feel the fish hooks spinning gold
round my teeth,
lures tying knots in quiet.
i yearn to be so silent, it hurts;
so silent, it bleeds. i never want to
speak again and let it sink
miles into your skin,
but i want you
to love me for it;

i want you to know

i'll never be

there for you.

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