Goodbye Comfort Zone

chapter 6//i didn't know you knew how to wear suits

Austen's nerve was on my mind the whole afternoon. It took me a lot of willpower to just stop internally spitting fire at him through my brain. I could not even tell if he was really that idiotic to not know why i hated him that bad or if he was being just the maximum spitefulness he could be and had set out on a mission to infuriate me. But if he continued so, one day he won't have any limbs left that i hadn't attacked.

I stared at the worksheet given to us by Mr Enes, biting my lip as i silently read the instructions and realized what a big part of our overall marks this would be assessed with. I felt envy towards all the other pairs who could finish up the work in seconds, hatred towards Austen who caused my whole life to turn upside down because of his stupid little personality, annoyance towards my parents who had to pull this crazy stunt and decided that we needed a change in our lives, bitterness towards whoever uploaded the video of Austen and me online. I desperately needed time to turn, for myself to go back to the past where nothing like this ever disturbed my peace in my small cozy room and my peace in my small satisfying life. I never appreciated my past times as much as i just did, never knew how ordinary was a grateful quality to have.

I felt so in need, so pathetically helpless with the whole situation, so unable to change any part of my life that i didn't want even in the least bit. I cursed myself under the silent comfort of my own breath. There was a huge cloud of anger and distaste stuck in my heart that didn't leave even when i punched Austen.

I was sick of all this shit. My parents wouldn't change their minds and Austen was not going to stop pissing me off as and when he liked. I might as well get the project done and over with, then leave my whole screwed up life behind when i finally leave. Maybe after a while, i would stop missing Cali, maybe when things get more crazy in my life, i would look forward to going overseas and starting over as an anti social quiet nobody. I set my mind to it there and then and partially realized that it wasn't the worst idea possible. I'd try to get myself to look forward to leaving. It looked impossible, a lost cause compared to the memories and love i had bottled up for my house, but i didn't have many choices currently.

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I made my way to school now knowing what to expect. Things went as i imagined, the never dying whispers when Austen or i passed by. I would have felt pity for Austen and how he was getting stares and whispers on the worst side of the problem if he wasn't the world's biggest jerk yet. But he was, so Austen wasn't gonna get my sympathy anytime soon. I could literally feel the eyebags beneath my pupils, bringing darkness to my cheeks. I felt flushed inside but a touch to my forehead left my fingers cooled.

Austen didn't show up for class that day. I knew that wasn't good for me because i needed him to annoy me until i was actually willing to leave Cali. I knew that I needed Austen to come and be the death of me and piss me off and bring my distaste towards him and my life. But i couldn't help the escalation i felt in my mood or the slight tug at my lips.

"good for you," Jean clapped my back, smiling for my temporary happiness at the absence of Austen. I nodded, absentmindedly biting into my lunch apple. I hated having to need him, to need Austen to piss me off and give me something i wouldn't miss when i left for New York. But he was this major part in my plan and i needed to use him to get what i needed. This was great. Just great. Now i needed the guy i hated most on the planet. Perfect.

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It was another peacful day at school without Austen just like before, just like last time when nobody knew Hayley Freunal and no one wanted to know Hayley Freunal. I walked back home alone, deciding against riding a bus because i needed some quiet time to think. To sort out my thoughts and figure out what i was going to do next. Along the route towards my street, there was a view of the ocean where the breeze along the rocky pathways was stinged with a salty taste. My hair flew all over my face, obscuring the twisted expression that lay on my features. I carried myself against the direction of the wind, pushing my steps against the pathway lightly.