Cold Memory

Shintaro's Anger

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Chapter Two

In the silence of the classroom. Shintaro heard many things about Ayano coming from their dirty mouth "tch." He gritted his jaw he's being annoyed by those words.

"I heard it was because she was bullied."

"What? No way!"

"It's true. That was why she always used to stay behind after school."

(No, it wasn't.) Mumbled

"What, to avoid the bullies?"

"Yeah."

(You're wrong. You are so wrong.)

"But she was always so nice to everyone- I mean, she even talked to Kisaragi."

"Maybe it was because her family was poor?"

"Huh? I didn't know she was poor."

"Maybe she jumped because she felt bad about being a burden on her family's finances."

(She was never a burden. Never..)

"That's so awful- if only she had said something! She was always so quiet about herself."

(Shut up.)

"I was practically her best friend, she could have told me anything."

(You never even talked to her.)

"No, no, it's not your fault. None of us could have done anything. Once someone decides to do that, there's no changing their mind. You know how it is."

"How awful..."

(Don't you dare pretend to care about her.)

"I bet if I had talked to her more, I could have helped her. It's my fault that she's dead."

"Don't say that."

"It's true, though! I bet she had low confidence or something- those people always do. What's that phrase- you know, 'the saddest people always smile the brightest'? That's it, right?"

(Shut up.)

"She had really lovely hair. I was always jealous of it. Remember? It was that really deep black colour-"

Shintaro didn't realize he had stood up until every head in the class was turned towards him. His clenched fists trembled on the desk, the splintered lead of his mechanical pencil clasped inside them and stabbing into his skin. Sit down, he told himself, it's not worth it. Do not argue.. Please shintaro.

"Her hair was brown." When the girls' blank faces just blinked up at him, along with everyone else in the room, Shintaro exhaled shakily. With a great effort, he unclenched his fists. "Ayano's hair wasn't black. It was brown. It was- it is really dark brown!"

Most of them just looked even more confused at that. But, sure enough, one of the girls managed to get it, her eyes rolled in reaction."Whatever," "Black, brown- does it really matter? I was just saying it was pretty. Why would you even remember stuff like that? Are you a stalker or something? Maybe you are a stalker!!!!"

"How can you sit there and pretend to have been her best friend when you don't even remember something like her hair colour?" The words bubbled from his throat like hot syrup. He tried to stop himself, but now he had started to speak it was all coming out, every little thought he had when he heard those girls parroting on about 'how beautiful and lovely she was' fakers.

"You're all just treating her like some sort of thing. You sit there and cry and buy flowers and pretend you cared about her, but where were you when she was alive!? None of you ever talked to her before; you all just pretend to care about her now because she's the newest gossip- because everyone's talking about her- because she's- because she's dead!"

The sound of his voice breaking on the last word echoed through the classroom.

Dead.

Opposite him, the girl who had replied before stood up. Her face had began to flush. "Shut up," she hissed, body trembling.

"You don't know anything, Kisaragi. You think you're so great because you're the smartest in the school, but I'm not going to sit here.. If you're such a great friend to Ayano, where were you when she jumped off the roof? She really liked you.. You know!"

Shut up, shut up, don't you think I know that already? But even with all his 100% marks in Japanese, no words came to his mouth. He just stared at the girl in silence as her eyes started to gleam with unshed tears.

"You think you're so clever," she went on, "but what good were all your marks when Ayano decided she wanted to die?"

Another girl joined in, "Yeah, Kisaragi, if you were close to her you should know why she did it."

"Did she tell you about it?"

"Was she bullied?"

"Did she have an eating disorder?"

The classroom erupted into indignant chaos, with questions and jeers being yelled from every side. They weren't even directed at Shintaro anymore; people shouted for the sake of shouting, for the sake of their voice being added to the dead girl's legacy. But Shintaro felt every question like bullets to his temple, and, as the comments became more and more morbid, he almost wished they were.

"Hey, did anyone see her jump? Was it messy?"

"I bet someone pushed her off."

"Did she jump off because of some breakup?"

"Eh? I thought she liked Kisaragi-"

SHUT UP!!!!

As his hands went up to grab fistfuls of his hair, the splinters of pencil lead fell from Shintaro's skin and pattered onto the desk. "I don't know..." It's my fault. "I don't know..." I should have talked to her. "I don't know..." I'm sorry. "I don't know anything, okay!?"

Turned out into a silent classroom. All attention put into Shintaro.

As he reached the back of the room, feeling the heat of every one of his classmates on his back, he yanked the door open. "Where are you going?" someone called out.

"Away from all of you."

The door slammed shut, and the classroom was left in silence. Shintaro headed into the park because he can't stand the others stupidness so he tried to calm him self. And he did it.

"I'm going to give this mail quickly. Tch, i can't stand this anylonger argh."