Promise Me.

1.1

I'm going to tell you a story. It's not about a girl and a boy who falls in love and live happily ever after. That kind of stories are never happening in real life, If it does happened then it's far far away from here. The story I'm going to tell you does not have anything happy in it. I don't know if this is going to end well, and I don't think you'll be enjoying the pictures you get in your head. Because I get worse pictures in my head while I'm asleep. How do I know that your not going to enjoy it?
Because it's my life I'm going to share. And the misery begins at a young age. I was 8 years old when a perfect childhood turned into a nightmare. I was on my way home and I got a strange text on my phone saying "I need you to stay away from home". My parents always told me to ignore texts and calls with numbers I couldn't identify or wasn't registered in my phone. I put my phone back in my pocket and started walking again. Then I got a call from my mom. I waited a few seconds before I answered.
"Hello?"
"Sweetie, I need you to go to uncle Ben's house and stay there until I say otherwise, do you understand?"
"Mom, what's going on? Why can't I go home?"
"Just listen to.."
And then it all went silent. My house was just around the corner so I went there to get Mr.Pickles, my teddy bear I've had since I was born. It was a gift from my brother. I opened the gates and walked in when I heard gun shots coming from inside. I went hiding behind the big rock on our front yard. The front door opened and a masked man came out with a black suitcase with a lock on it. Then I saw my brother come outside with a gun in his hands. The masked man stopped for a second and turned around as fast as my brother came out. I saw my dad behind a black van and my mom was in the car.
"Look you don't have to do this, please give me the suitcase back" I heard my brother say.
"You don't understand, he has my wife and children!" The masked man said with some sadness in his voice.
"We'll get them back for you, we just need that suitcase to locate them" My brother said with a calm voice.
"YOUR LYING!" The masked man yelled and pulled the trigger just as I stood up screaming my brothers name. "NOAH!". He looked my way as I saw him slowly fall down to the ground. I ran towards him while hearing my mothers heart breaking scream behind me. I kneeled and looked my brother right in his eyes. I took a few seconds of breathing before I could say anything.
He tried to tell me something but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. And just seconds after he looked at me and took his last breaths in my arms. My brother took his last breaths in my arm and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Everything stopped, I couldn't move. I couldn't stand up. There I was holding my dead brother in my arms. I felt the blood drain down on my dress. I wrapped my arms around my brother and started crying even more. I heard my mom calling 911, she couldn't say much. She kept repeating four words over and over again.. "My son is dead, my son is dead." My dad took the phone away and gave them our address. I could hear their footsteps coming towards me, they didn't say anything. There we were. The time stopped again and before we knew it the ambulance arrived with the police asking what happened.
"Excuse me, I need you to step away from the body" I heard someone say.
"Hello?" he said.
"Remy, you need to come here!" I heard my mom say.
I still couldn't move, my body didn't want me to let go of him. How could you let go of someone you grew up with, the one who took care of you when mom and dad wasn't home. The one person you looked up to. Noah was the one who practically raised me because of mom and dads buissniess trips. They were never home. He was the one picking me up after school, gave me everything I needed and he even took me fishing with his friends. I was his lucky pill. The only thing he asked of me everyday was to smile. That was the only thing I've promised him to do. "Everytime you smile a sun rises in my heart" He always said when my smile was no where to be found. I didn't have any friends, I had a really hard time making friends. Especially when they all thought I was a freak walking around with my teddy bear Mr. Pickles. So it all ended with an officer lifting me away from my brothers body. They put him in a black bag in a car and drove away. My mom went inside the house and I was about to walk after her but my legs wouldn't move. It was like they didn't like the cold reaction they gave, both of my parents just went back to normal after they took his body from the ground. I felt a feeling that I've never felt before. I was angry, actually. Pissed. I have never in my life been angry. Not even when my mom and dad went for buissniess trips, or when they blamed Noah for taking me outside with his drug addict friends. My dad took my arm and went to the car.
"Get in." He said with a serious face.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Uncle Ben's, where you were supposed to be by now."
I didn't understand. My brother just got shot, he died. They sent me away, when I needed my parents the most. It was deadly silent in the car all the way to uncle Ben's. It's a 1 hour trip and my dad was quiet all the way. He didn't show any emotions when Noah got shot and didn't show any emotions then either. He didn't even look at me, it was like I was invisable to him. I slowly closed my eyes and tried to take myself to another place. A new planet, with no problems. Where I could meet Noah again. I could feel the car stop and I heard my dad open the door. He went to the other side of the car and opened my door. He lifted me out and started walking towards uncle Ben's house. He opened the front door and walked in, went to the living room and slowly put me down on the couch. Then he kneeled, stroked his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead and whispered in my ear.
"I'm so sorry princess, it's for your own good."
I opened my eyes and heard my dad and uncle Ben talking in the kitchen.
"You can't do this to her!" I heard Ben yelling.
"She's going to find out if she stays with us, you know how close she was to that bastard!" My dad said.
Bastard? What did he mean with bastard? I didn't have any other friends than Mr.Pickles. Maybe it wasn't about me, it couldn't be about me.
"Don't you dare call him a bastard, he was your son , and he raised your daughter when you weren't there!" Uncle Ben said with anger in his voice.
"How dare you tell me that he was my son, that is a bastard lying piece of shit! Who deserved what he got" He yelled and smashed his hand in the wall.
I couldn't believe my ears. What was it he talked about? Why would my dad say something that horrible. This had to be a dream, this isn't real. Noah isn't dead, he's going to be in the kitchen at home making heart shaped pancakes with blueberry ice cream for breakfast when I wake up. He's going to be there in his purple over sized my little pony t-shirt, the only t-shirt he never washed. He couldn't fall asleep without wearing that shirt, just like I couldn't sleep without Mr. Pickles. I pinched myself on my arm to wake myself up, I could feel the pain. It was real. If it wasn't, it wouldn't have hurt as much as it did now. I woke up screaming and uncle Ben came running into the room and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel the tears coming out of my eyes and I started shaking. I was scared. Terrified. I tried to calm myself down. My uncle went out from the living room and came back a few minutes later with a blanket, pillows and a box filled with movies.
"I thought we could eat some ice cream and watch some movies, what do you say kiddo?" He said with a smile on his face.
I took a look in the box to see what movies he had. I chose the little mermaid. It was my favorite movie. Uncle Ben made popcorn and made me some lemonade, he smiled every time he looked at me. He wrapped a blanket around me and let me cuddle up to him and then I slowly fell asleep. When I opened my eyes I heard someone scream, I couldn't see anything. It was all black with no lights and no windows. I started to shake and once again I couldn't move. My feet were glued to the floor. I closed my eyes and counted to 10 and opened them again. I saw someone in a shadows, crying. It was too dark to see but I saw a male-ish body and started to look after a way out.
"Remy!? Remy is that you?" I heard someone say. I said it one more time with the strangers voice. Over and over again. "Noah?" I said. I was sure it was him, no one has the same calm little quiet honey voice like Noah had.
I still couldn't see him, it went darker and darker. They say there's no darker colour than black. Well there is.
"Noah where are you?" I asked. I was scared.
"I'm right here Remy" I heard him say. His voice were different now. It was like in a horror movie when a person wanted you to come closer. But when you did, they kill you. I had that feeling about Noah. I had a feeling where I thought my own brother would kill me. I took a step back and didn't say a word.
"Remy? Please don't leave me here", I could hear him cry. I felt every tear tearing my heart apart. I still couldn't answer I just took steps back, until I hit a wall. I was stuck. It all went silent and I started to got scared. Really scared.
"N-noah?"
His name, my brothers name were the only words that came through my lips and out. All the other words got hit down like a giant wall who didn't let them pass.
I didn't get an answer, just like I did to him. Maybe he was speechless too. Thrilled to hear my voice. I could hear heavy breathing coming closer to me. Seconds later someone were behind me.
"Like I said Rem, I'm right here", he whispered in my ears. It didn't sound like Noah but it was his voice. Again I felt like I was in a horror movie and were about to get killed by my own brother. I wanted to turn around so bad and look at his face, talk to him about the crazy things my dad said about him. How much I wanted to come with him, but I couldn't. It was like my legs were giving me warnings not to turn around. What are my legs doing? It's Noah my older brother, the one who practically raised me. He would never hurt me, he didn't even let his friends give me a hug when they were sober and definitely not when they were high.
I took a deep breathe, thinking about all the good times with Noah, trying to get a smile for him when I turned around. The last thing I wanted was to break my one and only promise I made to Noah. All I could hear in head was Noah telling me how my smile made a sun rise in his heart. I heard it over and over again until I had the courage to turn around and face him. I took one foot at the side beginning to turn and when I turned around he was there. My brother was standing there with a smile on his face. I couldn't believe my eyes, he was really standing there looking at me with that beautiful smile of his waiting for me to smile back. I tried my hardest to give him the smile he wanted.
"What's wrong Rem?" He said
"I can't.." I said "I can't do it..".
I was so ashamed of myself, I had broken the promise I made for him. His face went from happy to sad.
"Aren't you happy to see me Remy?" He said with tears in his eyes. I could feel the pain going through my body.
" Of course I am.. I just can't.." I kneeled in front of him, crying and felt so ashamed.
"Look at me Rem!" He yelled. His voice turned into a black cloud and I could feel the anger around me.
"LOOK AT ME REMY!" He yelled again. His words were stuck in my head and I slowly looked up at him. I didn't understand why he wanted me to look at him, I already knew he was hurt and angry and the last thing I wanted was to see him like I saw him right now. Ice cold and lightning over his head. I took a long look from his head down to his toes and went back up looking again. Then I saw a dark spot on his shirt by his chest, it only went bigger and bigger. He looked at me with a strange face, then he went from looking at my face to looking at my right hand. He looked at my hand like I had something on it. Maybe he was trying to tell me something by just looking. I slowly dragged my eyes down to my hand. I looked up at him again and saw his sad face going slowly to ground. I looked down at my hand again and started screaming as loud as I could. I was shaking and I almost couldn't breathe. I dropped the gun that I was holding in my hand. And just like that everything broke into pieces.
I looked up at Noah struggling to say something.
"Why Rems, why?"
I closed my eyes and started screaming.I screamed as loud as I could when uncle Ben came running in the living room and held me close repeating one sentence: "It's okay Remy, your home and your safe".
"I killed him!" I said crying my eyes out.
"It was just a bad dream Remy, you didn't kill him", Uncle Ben said trying to calm down.
A couple of weeks past and I still hadn't heard anything from my parents. It was like I didn't exist to them anymore. Did I remind them to much of Noah? Didn't they want me anymore? The only thing I wanted was to go home, I didn't want to stay at uncle Ben's couch anymore. I wanted to sleep in my own bed and play with my own toys. I wanted to draw painting with mom after school waiting for dad to get home, I wanted watch AFV and laugh together with my parents, especially Noah. But I knew that wasn't going to happen. I took my phone out of my pocket and looked for the conversation with mom and I started to type in a message:
"Mom, I know that it's a lot going on right now and horrible things happened. I understand why you wanted me to go to uncle Ben's house but what I don't understand is why you haven't been in contact with me.. Just when I need you the most you aren't there. I feel abandoned and not loved by my own parents. Please I just want to come home, I miss you so much and I can't go another day living at uncle Ben's. I miss you.

Remy."
I hit send and put my phone away. I layed my head on my pillow holding Mr.Pickles close while I tried to close my eyes and rest. I woke up with scratch marks on my arms. I went out to the kitchen wanting something quick to eat. I opened the fridge and grabbed the milk and looked for some cornflakes to go with it. While I was standing in the kitchen looking for the cornflakes I heard a strange noise coming from the hallway. I kept looking in the Then I heard footsteps coming towards me, I grabbed a knife for protection and slowly sat down behind the counter. I could feel someone coming in the room and stopped. It all went silent and I could feel something on my shoulder, a hand. I stood up and pointed the knife at the person to protect myself but then I looked up to his face and it was my uncle Ben. He looked at me and just walked away.
"I'm so sorry uncle Ben, I didn't mean to hurt you", I said.
"It wasn't your fault, I should've said something when I got in", He said and walked his way.
"Aren't you going to give me a punishment for pointing a knife at you?", I asked
"You didn't do anything wrong Remy, you didn't do anything wrong."
His voice were so calm even after I tried to stab him with a knife for not saying he got home to his own house that I was staying at as a guest. I picked up my phone to see if I had any unread messages but there was nothing there.
"Wait!" I said.
"Remy, I have work to do so please just go play with Mr. Pickles alright?" He said toning down his voice.
"When am I going home uncle Ben, I want to go home to mommy and daddy" I said looking him straight in the eyes almost crying.
"Remy.." He said walking towards me and held his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said,
"Mommy and Daddy are in a bad place right now, so you'll be here for a while with me is that alright with you?" He said and gave me a smiled. I nodded and walked away.
"Smile little Remy, smile! Everything is going to be fine in the end" He laughed.
"No, it's not gonna be fine!" I said.
"I know everything isn't going to get back to normal but it'll be fine."
"No, still isn't." I said and walked out the door.
It was raining and it was cold but still I took footsteps forward and couldn't stop, I ended up sitting on a big rock crying out everything all over again. It was like it all happened this day and it made me cry even more. I could hear a voice coming closer to me.
"Hey little girl, what are you doing here all alone?" A man asked.
He asked me that same question over and over again until he took a few more steps towards me.
"I asked you very nicely where your doing here all alone kid" The man said.
"I..I n-needed t-to some t..time to think" I said with a shaky voice, I was scared.
I listened to his voice all over and tried to remember what person it was, the voice were recognizable but it wasn't clear enough to remember it. It felt like I really should remember it, but at the point I didn't.
"You don't have to be afraid, I'm not going to hurt you" He said with calm voice.
I stayed silent and waited for him to get bored and walk away. It worked at school so I could work now too.
"Why won't you turn around and I'll follow you home, is an idea? You shouldn't be out now this late little one" The man said.
And just like that it hit me, it hit me so hard I fell on the ground crying. I rolled myself up in a tight ball crying. The memories were coming back. But it couldn't be true, I stood up and started walking towards uncle Ben's house again. The man ran after me, grabbed my arm and I turned around. I looked down at the ground not wanting eye contact. But then the man took his hand on my chin and slowly pulled my head up wanting me to make eye contact. As soon as I saw the man's face I saw that one face I've been looking at for the past 8 years.
I screamed as loud as I could and I heard uncle Ben screaming my name and took me in his arms holding me tight and let me down.
"I were crazy worried about you, what happened!?" He asked with a happy and worried voice.
"I saw him uncle Ben, he's ALIVE!"
"Com'on Rems, let's get you to bed".
I looked back at at the rock and no one was there, was it a dream or was it really Noah? A question I asked myself until I laid in the couch wanting to sleep. I knew exactly when I closed my eyes a nightmare was waiting. It was like living in hell with no return.