Just for you

Burning in the hell called love

And don't get me wrong I love the fact that I've met him. But I'm not quite sure if I made him happy or depressed more. But the year with him was the best one in my life. I know what people say, "you are too young to fall in love," or, "you haven't lived much to even know what a best time in your life would be like." But against the opinions of all the olders, I WAS HAPPY! Quite sad that I'm telling this story in the past tense...
Don't want this to sound as tho it's already over. Don't want it to seem like I have no more future to move on to. Cause telling this story that way hurts a little too much than what I can ever take. Any who.
I'll call this guy, Abaddon. Well, the start was perfect, sweet talks, jokes, kisses, and stuff "normal couples" have. And as time went by, I don't quite know what happened, but we just got used to each other, you know what i mean? We stopped reminding each other how much we love each other, we forgot the sweet memories, and as tho by habit created this idea, that we will always be together, and started fighting, started going crazy on each other. And all mistakes I've made, my past, it seems like the past should stay in the past. Y-ou know? It shouldn't affect who you are today, but the more mistakes I've made the more they started killing me. Eating me alive, torturing me, they still do, they always did.
And you know, that feeling, when you watch someone who means a world to you, slowly lose interest in you? That feeling you get, when they tell you how important you are only if you ask them to tell you. When, instead of having those sweet talks you always scream. And don't you remember when in the beginning you sweared not to ever get depressed again. And it worked, at first. And when that other person just doesn't understand how hard it is for you to keep it all inside. How impossible it sounds to always be happy, if there's an army of demons looking for you, and you can't hide, you can't escape, because the demons are inside your head.
Don't you know the feeling when sometimes you just need to be selfish, just you want someone to talk about you, how awesome you are, and you just want to argue, not because you don't agree or don't like what they are saying, but simply because you want to hear them fight back. You want to see that they give a damn about you. That they'll waste their time, simply telling how important you are to them.
And I had it all, but it went away really fast. All the compliments vanished in my head, and if what I'm asking for is too much, then tell me! Tell me I can never get that, don't get my hopes up for despair, I won't take another ruined dream. I can't live in this ocean of lies. Don't want to spend a lifetime waiting for the "right one". If he doesn't exist.
We all make mistakes. Not always realize it, how ever we always make. Rather it's forgiving someone, or asking for forgiveness. Mistakes that I've made are the ones I've never learned from.
I would jump in fire, fell it burn yet never leave it, just because I like the warm glow of the flame.