Dear depression,
We go way back. I remember the first time I met you. I was nine years old...A nice fun loving girl I would say,judged for how I looked and teased for how I acted. The second time I met you as in my bedroom,where harsh yells filled my ears,it was the first time I understood the word 'hate'. We met again when I lost someone very dear to me. And again when I moved,went to a new school and immediately got judged. Once more when I found out I had pnemounia. I begged you to go away,but you would not leave. You depression are my childhood friend. The midnight voices in my head,a slick tounge. You pretend to have the answers,but loving you got me sick,got me locked in my room,got me crying every night. Find the nearest ledge you say,suspend you say,wouldnt I be happier dead?Yesterday ,I cried enough to name myself the sad girl again. Lonely has developed an authority where my thoughts are my family always fussing about all the wrong i've done,about all the pretty i've burned. What I learned from sadness is from you. You tell me people wont love me,but a fastend rope can. You tell me hate cant turn into love,pnemounia wont go away. You,a contridiction,a house of lies. Sickness can do that. It can lie,it can claw. My sadness will not cease. It will not quiet,and I am afraid to die.Depression is a hose of teeth. It will write you into a story without rest. It will kin you,comb your mouth into a beautiful haunting and name it a vacant wilderness,But dare yourself extraordinary human,to run into joy screaming 'YOU CANNOT HAVE ME'. You cannot have me. I am not my past. I am worthy of love. I am worthy. I am forgiving myself for not being strong enough to believe myself. I can tell you,I cut,I can tell you,I tried to run away. I can tell you the number of times I let people use me,but I would rather tell you that I am letting go. I'm letting failure go. I'm letting lonliness go. I will not give up. You will not silence me. You will never silence me.
Sincerly,
Nilda
